The right thing to do

The last 24 hours has been a jumbled up mixed bag of emotions. We headed down to Des Moines last night in less than ideal weather to attend the Public Hearing on House Joint Resolution 6 at the State Capitol. The house was packed as we expected and many, many people were signed up to speak both for and against a proposed amendment to the Iowa Constitution that would strip not only marriage rights away from LGBT Iowans, but also make any union that they could possibly aspire for unrecognized in the eyes of the state. Some of the testimony was so uplifting and some of it was downright disgusting. Iowa at its best and worst was on display last night. That said, everyone in the gallery was civil to each other for the most part, despite the fact that we vehemently disagreed on the subject matter. That, folks, is what Iowa is all about.

Both sides got equal time and although she had signed up to speak, Heidi did not get a chance to. She did publish her prepared remarks on her blog which I encourage everyone to read. I was even interviewed very briefly by the Des Moines Register and made the article in this morning's paper. I expressed my doubts that any minds were changed by the testimonies given that night, all the while hoping beyond hope that perhaps some of those that had declared support for the amendment would have a change of heart.

I knew that this wouldn't happen. With 56 Republican co-sponsors, the bill was a shoo-in to pass. What I didn't expect were 3 Democratic representatives to join in with the GOP and vote for the resolution, passing 62-37 with one Republican representative absent. These three representatives are, in my eyes, more worried about saving their own political skins than they are about doing the right thing. When it comes to this issue, those that won't stand up and do what's right are no different from the Republicans.

Conversely, we have our own Beth Wessel-Kroeschell who has fearlessly and consistently led the charge against the amendment. She has a solidly Democratic district so I'm not sure that politically such a stand is much of a risk to her, but my appreciation of her continued support cannot be understated.

Still, despite the fact that the outcome was expected and I knew Beth would be a loud and vocal advocate, I reacted poorly to the outcome. I was sad and depressed after work. I wondered if it was even worth it to go down last night. Clearly, if these legislators could not be moved by these stories, is there anything that will work? Was there anybody that could voice support of the amendment without quoting from the Bible or referencing the Judeo-Christian God? There were times last night that I felt like I was in Sunday School, being forced to listen to Bible verses. It made me want to say a la Eddie Izzard "Corinthians letter to St. Paul, Chapter one, verses one to a million. FUCK OFF!" Tonight, I wanted to throw in the towel because it seemed like it just wasn't worth it anymore. We can't change their minds and they can't change ours. And now that they're in control, what can we possibly do?

But no, that's not what we do. The other side will work tirelessly and now they have momentum so they have no reason to let up. That means we have to keep working and educating and speaking our minds. I've been thinking a lot this week about the phrase "having the courage of your convictions." And that's what it boils down to for me. Talking the talk at this point is not enough, at least not for me. I have to be willing to give up a weeknight to drive down to Des Moines in a snowstorm to be one more body in support of all my LGBT friends. I have to be willing to be interviewed for the paper and not care who might see it. I will likely annoy a lot of people and sound like a broken record but damn it, this is too important.

As Heidi said, my marriage will never be voted on - who are you to say that some people's should be?

Two steps forward, one step back. That's how this kind of stuff goes. I know that ultimately it's going to take an US Supreme Court decision to settle this once and for all. Until then, I will continue to work tirelessly in the ways that I am able. What I will not do any longer is listen to any argument in this debate that invokes religious fundamentalism or the Christian God. At this point, it should be like using Nazis in an argument. You do it, you automatically lose.

This is my last word on this particular chapter but you can bet your last dollar I'll still be fighting for it. The problem with being passionate is you open yourself up to being hurt, but it's better than not feeling at all. And as Carly Simon says, it's the right thing to do.

This grinch won't steal my Christmas

Tonight at supper I was perusing the news and I came across this link and the little bit of Christmas spirit I actually had evaporated. For those that don't want to subject themselves to the article, resident arch-conservative and gay-hater Bob Vander Plaats is at it again. He's calling on the remaining four Iowa Supreme Court justices that authored the state's 2009 unanimous ruling that allowed marriage equality in Iowa to resign at the Condition of the Judiciary speech. He says that they should do this because had they been on the ballot with their three former colleagues, they would have been booted from the bench. He then goes on to make a completely nonsensical metaphor comparing someone to teenagers fleeing a beer party but for the life of me, I can't figure out who he's talking about.

This made me equal parts sad and fiery angry. I am so tired of this guy spouting off. I am so tired of him thinking that he speaks for the majority of Iowans. Sure, he might have been speaking for a slim majority of voting Iowans in this election, but that's not the same as speaking for all Iowans. I am especially weary of his smug assurance that he's right, all the while continuing to preach hate, intolerance and prejudice. It makes me want to smack him every time I see him on the TV or in the paper.

As if this weren't bad enough, he speaks of the ills of gays and lesbians serving as foster parents and how those in the LGBT community can be teachers as long as they don't rub our face in it. Oh, and the repeal of DADT will "endanger the military." To add insult to injury, three incoming freshman legislators are drafting impeachment legislation against the remaining justices for...DOING THEIR JOB.

This is the problem with feeling passionate about an issue. Things like this REALLY wear you down. I would like to believe that, as they have been saying all year, it will get better, but with Repubs in charge of the Iowa House and in the governor's mansion, things have a much higher likelihood of getting worse before they get better. Right now, one man (Mike Gronstal) stands in the way of writing discrimination into Iowa's Constitution and you better believe the Republicans are after him.

But instead of feeling defeated, I'm going to turn that negative energy into something positive. Now more than ever we need people to speak up in favor of marriage equality. Being a silent supporter is not good enough right now, not when we're being drowned out by the opposition. I still can't do cold-calling, but I will continue to advocate for the rights of all LGBT Iowans and stand against the idiot prejudice and intolerance. These kind of setbacks are bound to happen. As a friend of mine says, the march forward on progressive causes are frequently two steps forward, one step back.

So my wish for Bob Vander Plaats this Christmas? Originally it was for him to shut the fuck up and go far far away. But now, I just want his heart to grow three sizes. I know that it probably won't happen, but Christmas is a time for miracles and if anything would count as a miracle, that would be it.

I'm also not going to let local politics ruin my Christmas because that would just be plain stupid. It looks like we might be snowed in tomorrow, but we have many festivities planned for the next few days. And next Friday, my little sister gets married AND all three Cullinan siblings will be in the same room - something that doesn't happen very often. I'm looking forward to it.

I may do a couple posts tomorrow if we're snowed in, but I have Heidi's presents to wrap so who knows. If not, Merry Christmas to everyone reading.

There's something about marriage

I got home from work last night just in time to watch the initial results trickle in from Maine. Although many issues were on the ballot last night, the one we were all watching was the referendum on marriage equality - the so-called "people's veto." The state legislature in Maine approved marriage equality last summer, and the governor signed it into law, making Maine the 5th state in the US to grant marriage rights to all its citizens, not just its heterosexual ones. No sooner did this happen than those opposing it started rallying the troops and put the rights of a minority to an up/down vote.

We all know how it turned out, even though it was a real nail-biter for awhile. 52% of those voting chose to strip Maine's gay and lesbian residents of the right to marry, and in so doing, ripped away the privileges that all those in heterosexual marriages take for granted. Although these results make me sick, the fact that the majority was allowed to vote on whether or not a minority gets to have certain rights makes me even sicker. It is safe to say that most of those who voted yesterday in Maine's election were not gay or lesbian, yet here they are, determining what gays and lesbians should or should not be able to do, many (but not all) driven by fear, misinformation and religion which honestly have no place in making policy decisions.

One of the most frequent arguments I hear against marriage equality is that "it's against God's law!" I'm always amazed to hear that. I do not currently identify as a Christian, so that argument holds not one drop of water for me and the millions of others who do not subscribe to either an institutionalized religion or even to the simple concept of a God. Talk about forcing your beliefs on others. That's not to say that all Christians are against marriage equality - quite the contrary. There are many examples of that in Maine and elsewhere. What I would remind those that would be so quick to judge based on what their religion tells them to do is to remember the Great Commandment: LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. And yes, that includes your gay or lesbian neighbor whether you like it or not.

It is not until people who enjoy the invisible privilege of being in the majority are prevented from deciding that other people are second class citizens or not worthy of the same rights that they currently enjoy that this nonsense will finally stop. I think that will eventually require some kind of US Supreme Court decision which is certainly a long ways off. There was no up/down vote to abolish slavery, nor was there a ballot initiative asking that women's right to vote be rejected after it was granted. Were we to propose either of those, I'm sure it would elicit gasps of incredulousness from those who voted to reject Maine's marriage equality law. But there is no difference. Civil rights issues are civil rights issues.

I hope that the No on 1 people take this through the courts now. It is certainly an option, and one that will likely be heard. It is the job of the judicial system to protect a minority from the tyranny of the majority. While my choice of words may seem overdrawn, you may want to ask a same-sex couple in Maine if they feel that I'm being dramatic in my word choice. Chances are high that they'd feel exactly the same way. And in case you're wondering why I give a shit, as I'm neither a resident of Maine nor gay, and I currently enjoy all the benefits of a legally recognized marriage, it's about being empathetic for your fellow humans, especially those that may be experiencing a different life experience than you. Just because the system is working fine for you doesn't mean that it's working well for everyone.

Maybe it's time to get rid of marriage altogether, to chuck that word on the scrap heap of history so that those that oppose equal rights for gay and lesbian couples can stop being hung up on it. I'll gladly redefine my relationship with my wife so that my gay and lesbian friends can enjoy the same rights I have. But if we did that, those that oppose marriage equality would be forced to look at the real reasons that they oppose equality, which I bet are 100 times uglier than the religious beliefs they hide them behind.

There's no doubt that this will fade from the news cycle by the end of the week, but remember that here in Iowa, we're gearing up for a new legislative session and those that oppose the marriage equality we have here in Iowa will have a new target in their sites. To those of you reading that live within the state, I encourage you to donate time or money (or both) to One Iowa. Hell, do it even if you don't live here. The fight in Iowa is going to look a lot like the one in Maine. Outside money will pour into the state (admittedly, on both sides), and unless our Democratic leadership in the statehouse hold fast, opponents of marriage equality will demand a vote on a Constitutional Amendment here in Iowa, which is a much bigger deal than what was passed in Maine.

Time is ultimately on our side. Opposition to marriage equality will look antiquated in 50 years. But that doesn't mean we have to wait for it. And I will continue to do my small part to make sure that all citizens will be equally protected under the law.

Yet another NOM parody

And this is perhaps my favorite one yet. Those who know me know that if a YouTube video is longer than 2 minutes, I'm not liable to watch it. I watched this one. It uses the original NOM ad, but mixes in...well, just watch.



My favorite part: "Should I lose some weight?" (2:22)

But all in all, I enjoy the message at the end of the video, which shows how we will never be able to fight those opposed to equality with anything but love. I would be wise to remember that so that when victory eventually does come, the victory is not of the Pyrrhic nature.

Hyperbole

Things have been quiet around here over the last few days - on the blog at least, but not in real life. There's a really good reason for this - actually two, but they are related. We are working our tails off with One Iowa to make sure that a repeat of Prop 8 does not happen here in my home state. Also, I have hesitated posting here because this fight is very all-consuming right now and I don't want to fill this blog with daily posts re: marriage equality. That's why Heidi and I created this blog, which is where we're putting all of our activism for right now.

I posted this over there, but I simply must put it here. In reading through the news links this morning regarding marriage equality in Iowa, I found this. It is definitely in the running for the most blatant hyperbole I have seen yet on the issue. While I will give him props for mentioning how much marriage has been "attacked and dishonored" by heterosexuals (something sorely missing from most of the virulent anti-equality folks here in Iowa), the basic point is that his only argument against gays getting married is some moral imperative from an imaginary friend that I don't believe in.

Bottom line here is their only arguments are religious, and newsflash! - not everyone shares their religious views, and as such, the whole population of Iowa should not be subjected to their religious views being written into law. Conversely, the arguments for marriage equality are based on the rule of law and the Constitution of the state of Iowa, which was modeled after that of the United States, something that all of us as citizens should rally around.

Add that to the fact that the Republican caucus in the Iowa House yesterday simply redefined obstructionism by insisting that we not vote on the state budget but instead, vote on the marriage amendment. Fortunately, the Democratic majority stood strong, but they will be vulnerable next election cycle, especially with out-of-state money coming in for the opposition.

We have not yet begun to fight, but I will be there fighting every step of the way. Marriage equality is just the right thing to do and I'm proud to be on the right side of the issue.

In the meantime, ponder this. Which is more destructive? Loving people committing to each other and creating new families and social networks, or this?

It's no wonder I left organized religion. This kind of thing is just disgusting.

Filled with pride

It was a long night last night on a lot of levels. I work late tonight and have a hellacious weekend ahead. But for whatever reason, I don't care, because same-sex marriage is finally legal in Iowa. The Iowa Supreme Court upheld a lower courts ruling that it violates the equal protection clause of the state Constitution. Not only did they do that, they did it UNANIMOUSLY.

I have lived my whole life in this state. I don't imagine that I will probably ever live outside of its borders - I am an Iowa boy through and through - and I have never, NOT ONCE, been more proud to be an Iowan than I am right this very instant. It is pretty much the polar opposite of how I felt when Prop 8 passed.

As one of the articles I read said - in politics, as goes Iowa, so goes the nation. One can only hope that it applies in this situation as well.

Well done, Iowa. The people at One Iowa must just be beside themselves.

Defense of Marriage Act

If you read only one thing today, I beg of you to make it this.

Heidi forwarded this to me this morning and wow, it is a great piece. The author of the piece basically defends marriage from those that would pick it pieces and then weaves it into a impassioned plea to support marriages of ALL kinds. He lists all the reasons why being married rocks, and none got my cheering support more than this one:

The Ball and Chain is for Losers. I can't emphasize this enough. Adult men I knew growing up, or stereotypical sitcom dads on TV, were always talking about how "the old lady won't let me" just go and do whatever fun thing they wanted to do. News flash: If that's your life, it's both of your faults for being lame, uncommunicative, lazy bastards. Don't settle for misery. If my wife or I want to go do something, we just let the other know, and if the other person's not up for it, no problem. If they wanna tag along, even better.

Let me tell you, if there is any one thing that makes me insane, it is those men who use their wives as an excuse for everything that they supposedly "can't do." There is a fine dividing line between being courteous to the needs of your partner and being a doormat. A close cousin to this are those men that have been married so long that they are now completely incapable of matching their socks without help from their wives. I do think that this is a bit of a generational thing but I still see men of our generation acting this way! Stop the insanity!

Being married, as is mentioned in the article, is not always easy. You do have to make sacrifices and you don't always get along and sometimes the other person just makes you want to run screaming from the room. But overall it is a huge net positive - at least it has been for me.

And this is the part where I beg any of my California readers to vote No on Prop 8. While I don't think that marriage equality is dead in this country if Prop 8 passes (the tide is bigger than one state), it will send the wrong message and set the wrong type of precedent. And with Iowa waiting in the wings, lets hope that those non-discriminatory voices prevail in this fight.

Oh, and it's Halloween today! It's only the best holiday ever!