Saturday, June 12, 2004

Once More With Feeling

We watched the all-singing, all-dancing episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer tonight. "Once More, With Feeling" is what it was called and it was a stitch. And surprisingly enough, it wasn't just a throwaway episode, but it also substantially advanced the story arc for the 6th season. It's all weird not having seen this season but having seen the 7th (and final) season. A lot of the things that kind of made you go "hmmmm" in season 7 now make a little bit more sense. And watching Willow go over to the dark side of magic is like watching an alcoholic unwittingly destroy their life and the lives of those around them.

So there's only tomorrow to work and the Jeff and I are off to D.C. to go to the Madonna show. I'm pretty excited, but I wish that I weren't so damn tired. I told Heidi this morning that I'm just sick of being tired all the time and she says not to discount the fact that I'm still learning my job. This in spite of the fact that they're going to let me work alone a week from tomorrow which has me pretty much scared shitless because I just know that I'm not going to be able to keep up with the workload. I mean, today was a prime example. If there hadn't been another pharmacist there today, I wouldn't have gotten to eat. Simple as that. And it sucks because I'm afraid of what I might miss in all the craziness that can be hospital work. It's not like I'm reading tarot cards or painting a house--people's lives really are at risk when I'm working. Not like I'm incompetent, but yet I am human nonetheless. If I screw up in a big enough way, that can directly impact someone's life--even to the point where they may no longer have a life. I always thought that at Washington when I was there, but here in Ames, it's even more relevant. I don't know if it's because people are sicker or if it's because we use higher powered drugs (I mean, please, like we were ever gonna use Natrecor at Washington) but it really bothers me sometimes. I try really hard to be accurate but you can't be so slow about it that you don't get anything done. And on the other hand, you can't be so fast that you're not accurate. So what's a guy to do?

I don't know--mostly I'm just feeling kind of overwhelmed these days so I thought I'd write it here into the void where I'm pretty sure it won't be read. It sucks to feel alone when you're some place new and could really use the external validation. A lot of the things that once were are no longer and who knows what the future holds. Mostly I'm just being cryptic, it's not as bad as it sounds. Thank goodness for Heidi and Anna. Without them, I'd be crazy.

On a lighter note, I went out and spent some money (birthday money) on some DVDs at Best Buy last night. I bought The Godfather (which I am so glad is available as a single disc and not just with The Godfather collector set--do I really need a DVD of The Godfather Part III?) and the 1990 remake of Night of the Living Dead. I was funny, I started watching NotLD and it reminded me a lot of those TV shows that were on on Saturday nights on the local Fox affiliate (or independent channel--not sure if there was such a thing as Fox TV) like Freddy's Nightmares or Friday the 13th: The Series. I used to watch those shows all the time--and I remember thinking a lot about how everyone else was probably out partying while I was watching them. The production values were pretty low for the most part and sometimes the stories were lame, but all in all, you can't beat a good scary flick. But what I wouldn't give for those to come out on DVD. Instead of those, we're getting Punky Brewster. *sigh*

But perhaps the horror anthology show that gave me the biggest willies was Tales From the Darkside. I'm thinking especially of the Christmas episode with the Grither. Scared me half to death as a kid and now I'm thinking I'd *love* to see it again. :)

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