I had a rather *ahem* intense discussion with my wife this afternoon. This is par for the course these days as we're talking about a lot of really deep, important stuff. Sometimes it's invigorating and inspiring. Sometimes, it's very draining and I can't do it for very long or at all. Sometimes, I don't want to talk about it because it's things I don't want to deal with. Today would have been an example of the latter.
I have been all talk and no action on changing my life for the better recently. Mostly, I've been content to just be frustrated with the things that I don't like and basically say "there's nothing to be done, it will never work so why even try?" These kinds of defeatist attitudes are not helping me AT ALL. So to those defeatist attitudes, I respectfully say "fuck you."
I'm ready to shake things up. Maybe not in huge ways just yet, but in little ways. The mere fact that I shaved my beard off in a spur of the moment decision (even though I eventually grew it back) shows that I'm ready to make little changes.
I want to do things around the house - like finish painting the kitchen, rip the old grandmother wallpaper off the wall in the downstairs bathroom and paint it something bold. I want to stain the deck chairs like I had planned to do all summer long.
I'm going to make bolder clothing choices. I wore a shirt that Heidi picked up for me at Target last week that was just slightly outside my normal realm of clothing and someone at work saw it and asked if I was having a mid-life crisis. Screw that! I hope I'm not to mid-life yet. And that just emboldens me more to shake things up.
When I was in college in 1992, I had transferred from Iowa State to the University of Iowa to go to pharmacy school. I felt very fish out of water - I had left all my friends behind and knew hardly a soul in Iowa City. I remember journaling like a fiend then - they're alternately interesting and cringeworthy, but they do chronicle what I was going through at the time quite well. And the song that kept on coming up in those journals was "Don't Rain On My Parade" - with its command to live and LIVE NOW. That mantra is even more appropriate now, at the age of 35, than it was at the age of 20.
Funny how some things just never change!!
People have been telling me stuff like this for years, but do you think I'd listen? Well, it's time to pay attention. And how can you not pay attention to Babs? She practically demands it, especially in that fur hat (which probably needs a special locker.)
1 comment:
Your blog has had a golden fall makeover!
As for changing, it is tricky. I am not one to preach b/c there are a lot of things I need to do that I fear doing. It is always easier to be someone saying "go for it!" to someone else than it is to be THAT person.
Everyone has their own pace, but I do think it is good to have someone nudging you from time to time! I don't have that, so I have to try and push myself out of my comfort zone, which is akin to doing a 50 yard dash in a deep pool of water.
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