People who eat people

Having survived 9 straight days of work, I came home tonight holding my brain in my hand. What I need beyond words is a day off during which nothing is planned. Sadly, that's not tomorrow as I promised to take Anna to Body Worlds at the Des Moines Science Center. It'll be fun and I'm looking forward to being with her tomorrow. We've been anticipating this all summer and since she starts school in a scant 10 days, time is running low.

So to say I was tired and a bit on the cranky side was pretty darn accurate. But it all got better when I saw what the postman delivered for me today.


That's right - hot on the heels of saying how I really needed Streisand's People album on vinyl, I went to Amazon and found a used copy for sale. $4.75 including ths shipping. It is probably my favorite of her early albums (although Simply Streisand is a close second) and having getting it on vinyl was just a matter of time. When we were on the last leg of our trip back from Texas in May, I was crabby and wanting to be home and Heidi** put on People and suddenly, I was transformed into a better mood. I think it had something to do with Barbra's diction - that always makes me so happy. There's no "chewing the yous" when it comes to Barbra. And really, the song selection is so good.

I could have spent more for a copy in better condition, but this one works just fine. The vinyl is a little more scratchy and poppy than the ones I've been listening to, but on an album this old, the crystal clear quality of the CD has always seemed a little bit wrong.

I was trying to think of my favorite moments on People, and surprisingly, it's not the song "People." Although I will always remember being in Chicago with Heidi and Jeff, trying to find our hotel and Heidi and I were getting kind of short with each other. Suddenly, from the backseat, Jeff begins to sing "People/people who need people" which then morphed into "People/people who eat people" and then, inexplicably, "Kooka/Kooka kooka maaka/Kooka maaka, kooka maaka/Kooka mo." But really, the Italian spoken part in "When In Rome (I Do As The Romans Do)", the mournful saxophone in "Suppertime" and the wicked vibes at the beginning of "I'm All Smiles" all outshine Barbra's signature song in my book.

But the song that I have the most fondness for is "How Does The Wine Taste?" Again, Barbra's incredible diction is on display as the final "t" in "taste" is accentuated more than it might be by a lesser singer. There are also timpanis and little clicky things. Well, here's a video of it from her TV special My Name Is Barbra. Heidi and I are prone to saying "How does the wine taste?" and then the other will say "Does it sting your lips?" Yes, we are made for each other.



I've been listening to this album while I typed this blog post, and now that "People" is on, I know the album is almost over. I think it's barely 35 minutes - imagine how ripped off we'd feel if an album clocked in at under 40 minutes in this day and age. I guess the trade off was that she released albums practically every year during the 60s.

Now, if only I could get my hands on THIS.

**I should point out that People is one of the only Barbra Streisand albums that Heidi can stomach. She says anything from the late 70s on sounds like someone's grandmother.

Doing something right

Those of you in my most intimate circle may (or may not) know that the last couple weeks have completely kicked my ass. Work's been stressful, there was the whole tire debacle, and then there's other shiz going on that I'm not going to go in here. But when you combine it all with the fact I'm just starting to burn out after having taken my summer vacation in May, there's no denying that I've been going through a bit of a rough patch. The other night when Heidi and Anna came out to have supper with me at work, Heidi must have really noticed it and I told her that I'd "talk to her when I got home." Her eyebrow arched and she wondered if something specific had happened and I assured her no but that I just "wasn't feeling very good about myself."

Anna must have heard me say this because this is what I found when I came home from work that night, exhausted and spent.


As Heidi pointed out, I shouldn't feel bad about myself because I had a hand in helping mold this child who knows enough at age nine the thing that I still frequently forget at age 39 - always like yourself! Much of that for me is an old pattern that I'm working on changing, but still, I'm glad that I've helped arm her with that kind of internal monologue.

So here's to a reboot today. We're going down to Indianola for the National Balloon Classic and good times with friends and may-as-well-be-family. I slept till 10:30 and skipped my cardio because clearly, I needed the unconsciousness more than the aerobic workout. There's always tomorrow.

Butts, farts and bad days: a report from the front lines of parenting

I've had some interesting discussions with my daughter over the last few days. Well, discussions might be the wrong word. Judge for yourself.

1) I have recently taught Anna about the hilarity that ensues by replacing the last word of any song title with the word "ass." (except in her case, I chose the more kid-friendly "butt") She, of course, finds it boundlessly funny. One of her favorites is a song from Kate Bush's Aerial album "The Architect's Dream" which becomes, naturally, "The Architect's Butt." She's probably the only 9 year-old that knows ANY Kate Bush song. Anyway, on the way to her piano lesson the other night, she was applying 9 year-old logic to the game - that is, changing the last word of EVERY song to "butt" whether it made sense or not. I was about to bring this up when she said to me "Dad, everything is just a little bit funnier when you add the word 'butt.' It doesn't even have to make sense!" Now, who am I to argue with that?

2) On that same trip to her piano lesson, we carried on a long Cullinan tradition of changing the words of songs and making them about something gross, funny or both. Our victim this time was Madonna's "Sorry" from Confessions on a Dance Floor. The chorus of the song went from "I don't wanna hear/I don't wanna know/Please don't say you're sorry." to "I don't wanna smell/Your stinky farts/You'd better say you're sorry." It's not Shakespeare, but we sure laughed our asses butts off.



3) On a more serious note, Anna and I have a saying between the two of us that goes something like "don't let one bad thing ruin your whole day." We certainly didn't come up with it, but since we both deal with varying degrees of anxiety, it's a helpful thing to remember when the turkeys try to get you down. On the way to school this morning, she said "Dad, remember that 'don't let one bad thing ruin your whole day' thing we say? Well, I think I figured out what it means. It means that there's going to be bad things every day and you shouldn't let them ruin your life." Indeed. Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.

I swear I won the kid lottery.

Ramona and Beezus and Dan and Anna

As a kid, I enjoyed but didn't love Beverly Cleary's Ramona books. I think had I been a girl, I might have related more to young Ramona who was either a pest, brave or age 8, depending on the book. A few years ago, Heidi and I read all of them out loud to Anna at before bed, a chapter or two at a time and she loved them and, honestly, so did I. There was so much I had forgotten. They are clever and well-written and they deserve their status as modern day classic childrens' books. Most hilarious is how each book is contemporary, even though Ramona ages a year at a time through the series. Ramona may be four in 1955, but it's 1999 when she's in 4th grade.

So it was with great anticipation that Anna and I finally sat down and watched the movie Ramona & Beezus. We had planned to see it at the dollar theater but it must have been there for two and a half minutes (as is common for movies at the dollar theater) because I never saw it show up there. Heidi was working on her rejuvenated iMac (thanks to yours truly) so we decided tonight was the night. There might have been tornadoes and other severe weather in the forecast, bu watch it we did.

I expected to be amused by it. I did not expect to be completely won over by it.

The movie smartly draws plot points from all the Ramona books. All the classic Ramona moments are in there - the toothpaste in the sink, the burr crown, the demise of Picky-Picky the cat, Ramona's dad losing his job, the raw egg vs. the hard-boiled one - and they are all blended effortlessly together in a contemporary telling of the story. The cast is attractive and while it veered occasionally into mushy, I didn't much care because everyone was just so darn cute. A part of me hopes that Joey King (the actress that plays Ramona) fades into obscurity so as not to suffer a Lindsay Lohanesque fate.

I think the fact that I watched this with my own daughter played a huge role in my fondness for the movie. Ramona's dad is played by John Corbett who was vaguely familiar to me until I realized that he was Aiden in Sex & The City - yes, I had to look it up. I am a huge sentimental sucker for stories about dads and their daughters and while it wasn't entirely about that, all the dad-daughter moments hit me squarely in that spot underneath my breastbone. Watching it and anticipating all the previously mentioned classic Ramona moments with Anna, who frequently remembered what was going to happen from the books before I did, was just perfect.

I always kind of semi-joke that sometimes I feel like an absent father - between work and other things, I sometimes feel like I am not home as much as I should be and that I'm missing out on my own daughter's growing up. This would be the point at which Heidi looks at me sternly over her glasses and says "you are NOT an absent father." Watching this movie made me want to get out the longest stretch of blank newsprint ever and fill it up with color, just like Ramona and her dad did in the movie. Towards the end of the movie at the wedding dance between Ramona's Aunt Bea and Howie's uncle Hobart, Ramona's dad gives her a goofy look and does a funny dance as he walks toward her saying it was "time for the father-daughter dance." Upon seeing that, Anna looks at me and says "that's just like you do to me."

With that, I knew I was doing something right.

I am unapologetically sentimental when it comes to my daughter - give me a break, she's the only one I have. It will so be worth the trouble tomorrow morning getting her out of bed because I let her stay up a half hour past her bedtime to finish the movie.

Totally recommended. It even caused me to have a passing fondness for that hideously awful Bangles song "Eternal Flame."



I'm over that now. But I would totally watch that movie again.

(Beverly Cleary is NINETY-FOUR and still writing. All I can say is wow. Heaven help me if I'm still working when I'm in my nineties.)

Dating in the cell phone age

Heidi and I had made plans last week to hire a babysitter and go out on a real live date tonight. Originally, we were going to go have dinner and then hit one of the Oscar nominated movies. Then we both slept for shit last night (I probably got 2 hours) and despite the fact that both of us napped prior to going out tonight, we nixed the movie and just decided to go have dinner. We've been like ships passing in the night this week as I've been gone every single night and the idea of sitting in a dark theater watching some depressing Oscar movie when we could be talking to each other was not all that appealing.

The babysitter we have is the older sister of one of Anna's friends and Anna just LOVES to have her come over. I was always a bit less excited to see the babysitter when I was growing up. I remember one time when I was probably 7 or 8 that I cried so inconsolably that my dad ended up coming back from wherever the were (I'm pretty sure it was the Pin Oaks restaurant in Carroll, now defunct) to try to get me calmed down. Naturally, age and the advent of a babysitter that brought Atari cartridges when she came over warmed me up to the whole concept of a babysitter. Then I got old enough to babysit my siblings and we never had another sitter. But Anna is just like Heidi in the respect that she loves having the babysitter come and requires engagement the entire time. Fortunately, Morgan doesn't mind a bit.

Anyway, before we left, we wrote our cell phone numbers on the board in the unlikely event that she would need to get a hold of us. They are also programmed into Anna's new cell phone - a Christmas gift from my parents. To my great surprise, my phone range not once but twice tonight. Both times it was not the babysitter. Instead, it was Anna, calling from her cell phone. The first conversation went something like this:

Anna: Hey Dad. I was playing Zelda on the Wii and my ears got red. They went back to normal but now they look pink. Should I be worried?
Me: Well, what exactly were you doing?
Anna: Well, I was jumping up and down trying to kill this spider on Zelda and was all active.
Me: Well, there you go. Do your ears hurt?
Anna: No.
Me: I think you'll be fine.
Anna: Well, I just wanted to call and make sure.

The second one was even less critical.

Anna: Dad, hey, the Wii Nunchuck isn't working and even though we tried to tell the game to quit, it wouldn't do it.
Me: Did you try unplugging the nunchuck from the Wi-mote?
Anna: No, I didn't. But we were getting kind of tired of Zelda anyway so I think we'll just do something else.

Honestly, I didn't really mind the calls. They were kind of cute and caused us to muse about how heaven forbid if she really DID have something to worry about. It struck me as so different from when I was growing up - like so many things are. Calling is just so easy now, whereas back then, you had to call the place where the parents were, then they would have to be paged or whatever and God help you if it wasn't an emergency.

I think a part of it was that Anna just likes using her new cell phone, but I think next time Heidi and I go out on a date, we'll talk to her first about what good reasons for calling are. Note: the babysitter never once called us, but I certainly don't blame her for not being able to talk Anna out of it. That child has an iron will. Heaven help me when she's a teenager.

(Of note, this is the 1,500th post on this blog! YAY! That is what I call perseverance. Or maybe just plain stubbornness and an undying desire to hear myself talk.)

Pop culture collision

Anna helped me set up the Fisher-Price farm that arrived on Christmas morning tonight. We, of course, had to video the resulting work on our new Kodak PlaySport video camera that was a gift from Wendy & Andrew.

Here it is. Of course, it is my office, so various items from the pop culture inevitably share space.



I was thinking of doing a video blog this weekend. This might be as ambitious as I get.

Still a kid

A quick Christmas morning post before we go see my folks and other assorted family members. We have had an excellent Christmas morning. I am wearing the following T-shirt:

Mine has blood splatters on it and I don't have a tattoo and I'm not that built.

But the gift that Heidi got me that was the MOST appropriate for me was the vintage Fisher Price Little People Farm. Found at a souvenir shop in Dubuque near the 4th Street Elevator, it was apparently a bargain at $55.00, especially considering its condition and the fact that it looks like pretty much all the pieces are there. I was so enamored of it then that I took a picture of it...

...never dreaming that it would show up on Christmas morning.

Yep, that really is me. I am that nerdy. And yes, I look that good doing absolutely nothing to myself. It's worth it though.

Anna is as excited about it as I am! She had warned me that when she and Heidi were wrapping it, she wanted to play with it which had me all curious. Now I know. We'll have to clear off a space in my office for it, somewhere where she can reach it.

Now, if I can figure out how to make the moo sound when you open the door my notification ring tone on my phone, it'll be the best Christmas ever.

Year of 25 Books: #21 - Charile & the Chocolate Factory

Anna and I read this book over the course of about three weeks this summer. We read a chapter or two before bed nearly every night. Although she'd seen the movie (the Johnny Depp one, not the Gene Wilder one), I wanted her to be familiar with the original book. I remember back when I saw the 2005 film, I wanted to keep Anna from seeing it until she read the book, but I think someone bought the movie for her for her birthday or Christmas one year and well, there went that idea. (PS - I'm not as keen on the movie now as I was in that blog post. Both the 1971 and the 2005 versions have their merits.)

I was in third grade when I was first exposed to this book - our teacher read us a chapter a day. I'm having a hard time remembering if I had seen Willy Wonka & The Chocoloate Factory but if I recall my reaction to the chapter that ends with them about to step into the chocolate room, I'm thinking I hadn't. The story is, of course, well known. Chocolatier (and general weird guy) Willy Wonka invites 5 children into his chocolate factory. The five kids are picked by luck of the draw. Concealed inside five ordinary Wonka bars are five golden tickets. The first four tickets go to kids that are of the least-deserving ilk. Appropriately, they are all gluttons to some degree. Then there's sweet innocent Charlie who lives in a one-room shack with his parents and four bedridden grandparents. It appears through most of the first third of the book that he will not get a golden ticket, but based on the title alone, you know that he will.

The shenanigans inside the factory are more than worth the price of admission. Roald Dahl's imagination ran wild on this one. It is in this respect that the 2005 film adaptation of the book is superior to the previous because the technology allowed for more of this to be seen. But what it really is at its center is a morality tale - bad behavior is punished while patience and perseverance are rewarded with the keys to the factory.

I enjoyed this book this time around because it reminded me of how easy of a read it is for kids in the 8-12 range. I think that a lot of kids would really enjoy reading this, especially if they've seen either film version. I think it serves as a really good example of comparing movies based on books to their source material. Generally, they are never as good and it comparing the two really started a good conversation with my own kid. Even though I tried to convince her that when you read the book, you get to see whatever you want, I fear reading is way too solitary of an activity for my little social butterfly (how did two introverts birth an extrovert?) plus who among us isn't drawn in by CG effects and the ability to put anything on the screen these days?

Still, worth a reread.

A telling moment

On Wednesday, when I was taking Anna to piano lesson, we were listening to her new favorite song, Marina & the Diamonds "Oh No!" She specifically requested it when we got in the car and we listened to it over and over again on the way. During one of the listens, Anna surprised me. Marina sings in the song "I always feel like I'm the worst/So I always act like I'm the best." Right after that, Anna says to me, in a moment of honesty, "Dad, that's how I feel sometimes."

Wow. I always joke about the apple not falling far from the tree when it comes to her. I told this to Heidi and she said "she is definitely your child." I wasn't really sure what to say to her at that point and looking back, I can't even remember what I said.

With the benefit of a day or two to ponder it, I decided that the most important thing I can do for her is to give her the tools to figure out that the former isn't true, so she doesn't have to waste energy on the latter. Hopefully, she can avoid believing that sentiment when she's 35 like her dad did. I told her this last night and she was predictably nonchalant about the whole thing but still. Someday she'll stop telling me stuff like that so I need to take every opportunity.

We see ourselves mirrored in our kids in the most bizarre ways.

It'll tumble for her

It all started with the mother of all crashes.

I was sitting at my computer catching up on blogs before heading to the kitchen to start thinking about getting dinner ready when, from the other room, I heard a most horrendous noise. It sounded like items sliding off a shelf. What began as a whisper soon became a roar as it became abundantly clear to me that something had gone seriously awry. I yelled out to Anna "Anna, what's going on?" only to hear her scream out to me for help.

I swear I was there in less than a second and could not believe my eyes. There was the entertainment center, on the floor face down. Everything had fallen out of it and Anna was underneath it crying and not able to move. I managed to lift up the entertainment center (which was the bulk of the weight) and pull her out from under it. After being pulled from the wreckage, she basically had the equivalent of an anxiety attack - talking about how she was afraid she had brain damage and that she was seriously injured. Her ability to walk and form coherent sentences pretty much ruled out brain damage and the fact that she could move pretty much everything made broken bones unlikely. But she was a bundle of nerves and acted like someone who had just had a near-death experience. This would be the point at which I would normally make a glib comment about the drama of being a 9-year-old, especially this one.

The truth is though, that it WAS a pretty big deal. She admitted that she'd been hanging on the entertainment center - something she's been told repeatedly not to do. I think she is unlikely to do it again. As Heidi said, she has a newfound appreciation for physics.

Our first job was calming her down. We got her into the tub and turned on her music and let her soak while we went down to assess the damage and try to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. The contents of the entertainment center included: a not-quite-year-old $800 television, a couple of DVD players, a VCR (yawn!), the Wii, various DVDs, the Roku box, and assorted knick-knacks (the Cher doll being the most cherished.) When we put it all together, we were looking at nearly $2000 worth of electronic equipment that had a very high likelihood of being ruined. I will admit that I was not at my best at this point. Once we hooked the TV back up and ascertained that yes, it still functioned, I started to pull myself back together a little bit.

Piece by piece, we tried out each piece of electronic equipment. My prediction early on was that anything that had a laser would be destroyed. But the DVD player worked, as did the Wii. We didn't even bother hooking the VCR back up - heaven only knows when the last time we used it was. The Roku box, I fear, took a fatal blow. I still can't make that work but fortunately, we have the Wii to allow us to do our Netflix streaming.

All in all, we majorly dodged a bullet on so many levels. Naturally, the most important thing is that Anna was virtually unharmed. She has a scrape on her arm along with a pretty colorful bruise from where she was pinned underneath the entertainment center but otherwise, she is mostly just shaken up. The hardest part was trying to move the entertainment center, thinking that my child had been seriously injured while she cried and said she was sorry and admitted to hanging on the entertainment center. At that point, I didn't give a shit about the electronics, I just wanted her out from under there and safe and unharmed. It shook me up a bit, I must say.

As Heidi and I were reflecting on the evening, we decided that even if everything on there had been broken and Anna would have been safe, it would have been a huge win. It's a cliche yes, but that doesn't mean it's not fucking true. The fact that, in the end, only the Roku box was rendered non-functional is just gravy. Oh, and Cher's microphone is still MIA.

Glinda, however, will never be the same.


And here's a picture of the Humpty Dumpty, put back together again.


Not how I would have scripted the night had I been in charge, but hey, who ever said I got to be in charge?

Now pardon me while I go hug my kid.

The written word

And now for something completely different - to be legible, you'll have to click on the images to make them bigger.


I got this idea from another blog, but sadly, I can't remember where.

Dad + daughter v.9.0

It's been a bit of a bittersweet day around here today. Today marked the 9th anniversary of the day that my one and only child made her long-delayed entrance into the world. In sadder news, today was also the day that our cat Mia lost her fight with what I fully believe to be vaccine-induced sarcoma. She was a tough old bird and Heidi has done a wonderful and loving tribute to her here. I encourage you to read it. Keep the Kleenex handy.

I am sad about the loss of Mia - you don't have a pet for 14 years and not react to it in some way. But today is also about Anna. I've done birthday posts for her in the past and I didn't want to let this year go by without celebrating the amazing kid she is. I got looking through pictures on the hard drive and was surprised by how many photos of the two of us there actually are. I always half-kid that I feel like an absent father because I work so much and such weird hours. When I was getting ready to go to Kansas City in October, I asked Anna if she would miss me and she kind of tsk'd me and said "Dad, I'm USED to you being gone." I try not to take it personally. Judging from the sheer number of pictures of just the two of us, being an absent father is the LAST thing I need to be worrying about.

Here are 14 of my favorite photos of Anna and me. Roughly in chronological order. I'll keep the commentary to a minimum and let the photos speak for themselves.


The very first photo taken of the two of us, 11/15/2001.

I had important e-mail to read. She's a little bit pumpkin-y so I bet this is the first week.

About 11 months old, we were headed to the park.

Summer of 2003 - I can tell because that's when I grew facial hair. The book is Halley Came To Jackson.

Halloween 2006.

Summer/Fall 2006

Christmas 2006, I'm pretty sure.

Pride 2007

Pride 2008

Winter 2008, my best guess.

Mesa Verde National Park, 2009.

Center Grove Orchard, 2009

Daddy-Daughter Dance, May 2010.

I want to end this with one of my favorite photos of Anna and me. Taken at the Pacific Ocean in June of 2009, I love her outstretched arms and what is almost assuredly a pensive look on my face even though you can't see it.


I love you kid. I hope your birthday was happy and I can't believe you're half grown up.

Smokey Row write-in

I spent a large chunk of today in Oskaloosa, IA. It was the site of the NaNoWriMo write-in that the Central Iowa Authors (CIA) was putting on today. It was kind of nice to get out of town for a bit and then there was the added bonus for Anna that she got to go see her grandma who took her to Jumpin' Jim's Jungle in Ottumwa for a pre-birthday celebration.

But Heidi and I spent all our time today at Smokey Row. Smokey Row is an Iowa based coffee shop that started out in Pleasantville, IA in 1998. Since then, it's opened three more locations, the most recent being in Des Moines. It is one of the more frequent locations for CIA write-ins during NaNo. It's also one of our favorite spots in all of Des Moines. What Smokey Row does right (in addition to coffee and food) is atmosphere. Everything feels so retro, right down to the metal signs advertising products like Hires Root Beer, Folger's Coffee (celebrating 100 years, 1850-1950) and Pepsi-Cola. It has high ceilings, wooden floors and copious amounts of seating. The Oskaloosa Smokey Row even has a stage for live entertainment. All in all, you really can't beat it as far as central Iowa coffee locations go.

Heidi wrote pretty much all day. She's writing not one but TWO 50,000+ word novels for NaNo this month. The woman is amazingly prolific. You can follow her progress on the official NaNo project here (the 3rd book in the Special Delivery series for those that love those characters) and the second one here. Me, I was mostly along for the ride. And the coffee.

You might think that I had a bit of a boring day at Smokey Row, surrounded by writers and me with nothing to write. I thought about blogging, but the wireless was so inconsistent and crappy that I quickly gave up on that idea. I suppose I could have used my phone, but the mere thought of typing a whole blog post on my phone sends me into apoplexy. Clearly, that wasn't going to happen.

I did get a lot of reading done. With a bit of discipline and stamina, I'll be able to get to 25 books by the end of the year without too much difficulty. There was also a nap involved. I put my iPod on and since Heidi was sitting on the floor with the laptop, I snuggled right up against her and fell into what I would consider a rather deep sleep for a public place. I told Heidi to jab me in the kidney if I snored. I must not have or else she had her headphones on and didn't hear me. I think that was probably my favorite part of the whole day, truth be told.

After the write-in, we met my mother-in-law and her husband who had brought Anna back up for a small birthday party, complete with a horsehead cake. Heidi's brother Hans and his wife Alicia were also there, as was our doctor friend from our Washington days, Lynette. It was good conversation and nice to see everyone again.

We probably spent a little too much money but you have to live. The folks in CIA are some of the nicest people I know and it's always fun to get together with them. Not many of them live in Ames so it's always a treat to see them.

We have a birthday party to attend to tomorrow with eight 3rd graders in attendance. The birthday girl doesn't officially turn 9 until Monday, but the weekend has been the chance to get the celebrating done. I still can hardly believe she's nine, but time continues to march on.

An aside: I'm extremely proud of the fact that we are on day 13 of NaBloPoMo and I haven't missed a day. Last year, I missed a couple days but they were offset by the fact that on two days, I posted twice. It's harder to blog every day than you might think! The last few days I have been getting the posts in just under the wire, reminding me of my graduate school days when the lab reports were due at midnight on Friday night each week. So far, I'm happy with the quality of the posts and while some are definitely more throwaway than others, it's been a fun exercise in daily writing. I could not do this every month, but it's a fun experiment to try.

Curiouser and curiouser

This picture is from Curious George Wins a Medal. I had this book when I was a kid and that very same copy is now in Anna's room. For whatever reason, we laugh uproariously at this picture every single time.


We not only laugh at it, we laugh in anticipation of it. Several pages ahead of it, we start giggling until we finally turn the page and erupt into peals of laughter. No, it's not really all that funny, but it really tickles us for some reason. I think it's because of George's little head sticking out of that huge shirt. Maybe it's because he's pulling one over on the clueless farmers that were chasing him.

I actually quite like Curious George - I even don't mind the PBS show that is on now. As characters on PBS shows go, he's very low on the annoying scale. (Topping that list is Caillou and all the members of his family.) It won't be long before these kinds of books are "babyish" to Anna, so I still make the time to read them with her before bed.

Kind of a lightweight post tonight - it balances out last night's as well as the election returns. Polls are closing now in Iowa so time to start go obsessively reloading CNN's website.

The ghost of Halloween past

I don't know about anyone else, but it seems like Halloween has been an all-weekend affair this year. I guess that's what you get when you have trick-or-treating on Friday night and Halloween doesn't actually happen till Sunday night. Surprisingly, we really weren't all that into Halloween this year. A lot of that had to do with the fact that October was an amazingly draining month so by the time we got to the end of it, we really lacked the ability to put something fantastic together. We had a few friends over, but we didn't even dress up this year which is VERY unlike us. So since there are no new pictures of a costumed us, I raided my hard drive and found a bunch of photos from Halloweens past.

This is from the first Halloween party we ever had. We lacked the space for it so Jeff hosted it with us at his place. We went as Gomez and Morticia Addams. My sister Wendy went as Wednesday Addams but I can't find the picture of the three of us. She killed it as Christina Ricci's version of Wednesday. We weren't too shabby ourselves.

1999 found us hosting our first Halloween party in our first house. We went as Dorothy and the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. Heidi made our costumes and I do believe we pulled it of pretty well, even though we had to be a bespectacled Dorothy and Scarecrow.

Never to be outdone, Jeff came to that party as Joan Crawford accepting her Oscar in her nightgown. Jeff, you have a level of courage that I can only aspire toward.

My brother and sister were living in Iowa City that year, so they came to the party as well. On the right is Ryan doing his classic Unabomber costume which was based on the famous artist's composite sketch. My sister arrived as "the new Jan Brady" complete with blond hair sticking out from her black Afro wig. Perhaps two of my favorite costumes ever.

This is from 2002 - Anna's first Halloween. She was a ladybug that couldn't stop sucking on her pacifier.

In 2004, Anna had to wear the cat costume that was worn by Heidi and all her sisters at some point. So I decided since Anna was going as a cat, I'd go as a mouse. That thing hanging around my neck is a picture of cheese but it's flipped around so it just looks stupid.

2008 we started doing Halloween parties again in earnest. Anna was Princess Leia that year on a "diplomatic" mission to Alderaan.

That was also the same year that I shaved my beard and went as David Tennant as The Doctor. Heidi went as the scariest thing we could think of - President Sarah Palin. Looking back, my resemblance to the Doctor is only vague at best, but I had a good time.


Last year's Alien chestburster victim is the best costume I've ever done. It was a little bit technically difficult to rig up, but once I figured it out, the rest was easy. I got more comments on that costume than any other.

Heidi was a bit less inspired that year - going as the "H" Scrabble tile. Anna was Coraline from the movie version - complete with blue hair.

Jeff arrived in full Glinda regalia that year. I think that we both peaked in terms of costume ideas that year. No one does Halloween drag like Jeff. And it led to the very surreal picture below.

So yeah, although Anna dressed up this year, we didn't. Next year, we'll have to make up for it.

Fish death

The fish just keep dying.

Anna has an aquarium in her room that was a birthday present a few years back. It was born out of her desire for "something alive" in her room (never mind the fact that we have 5 cats.) I nixed all talk of rabbits and guinea pigs and chinchilas and what not. I was NOT interested in cleaning up after one of those - litter boxes are already bad enough. So we settled on fish. We had fish growing up and my mom has a tank now.

One of the things I remember my dad saying to us as kids regarding fish tanks was "don't get attached to fish." They are, after all, the lowest form of vertebrate life on the planet. The ones living in her aquarium have a brain the size of a hangnail. Still, when we first started with fish, we named them and everything. My dad would just shake his head and repeat his mantra "don't get attached to fish."

Those of you that know Anna know that she gets attached to everything. Her first two goldfish that she had were named Kiki and Fifi. With the clear memory of my father's mantra in my head, I reminded Anna that fish were fragile creatures and not to be disappointed if they died. To our utter amazement, they lived for nearly a year. But then the great fish die off began. Replacement fish lasted a month at best. We switched to tetras and glowfish and one by one, they croaked too. It wouldn't be so bad except Anna gives them all these cute little names. Strawberry and Silvermist and Popcorn and Chocolate Chip and Fred. That's right, Fred. Fred and Al were both algae eaters. Both gone to the great fish beyond.

I got an e-mail from Heidi on Saturday night when I was in Kansas City about the death of Popcorn. Popcorn was a guppy that was yellow with little black speckles. He had just been purchased the day before and could have been returned to Petsmart, but heartbroken Anna wanted to bury him. Both algae eaters bit the dust last night - a fact I discovered when I came up to find Anna despondent and crying in her bedroom. Tonight, another glowfish had died. He was up against the filter and I don't even know what his name was.

Anna keeps this list on the back of her door. I know that I am overly sentimental about my child, but it breaks my heart.


I think I could handle fish death if it weren't for the cute names and the ever lengthening list of casualties. But I know that's how she's dealing with it. She told me once that it's how she remembers them, which I suppose is fair. It's just another example of how, as a parent, you want to shield your child from all pain. It's not only impossible, it's fucking stupid. I always say that if I had just learned how to deal with some of the shit I am learning to deal with now at an earlier age, it would have been SO much easier.

But for now, I would like the fish to stop dying. Pretty please?

(image via)

Fun raiser

Anna is participating in what most parents dread most - the twice-a-year school fundraiser. The last 3 years, she hasn't been interested in them, so we've tossed the packets and forgotten about it. But this year, she wanted to do it, drawn in by the promise of a limo ride if she sells 25 of the overpriced food items that are in the catalog. Of course, we've had the packet since the 14th, but tonight was the first night she was serious about it. The fundraiser ends on Friday. The neighborhood has been scoured by other kids from Anna's school and we're left to selling to close friends and relatives. I hate bringing this kind of stuff to work and subtly guilting people into buying things even though other people in my department do it shamelessly. I did send out a mass e-mail to some internet peeps and relatives to see if anyone was interested. This only made me mildly uncomfortable and if you were lucky enough to have received one, you're included in the group of people I don't mind making a fool of myself in front of. I meant what I said - only buy if you want. If you don't, it doesn't hurt my feelings one bit. I was just doing my duty as a parent.

When I was a kid, there was nothing I despised more than fundraising. It seemed like every organization I was in had fundraisers. Band, chorus, speech and drama, church groups, you name it, we were always hawking something to help pay for the bus to Timbuktu or something like that. I usually ended up selling to my parents and that was it. The funny thing is that the very first fundraiser that I remember doing was actually a rousing success. We sold Bic pens door to door for Cub Scouts - I was probably 10 or so. Back in my hometown, I lived in the 700 block of my street. My brother and I sold pens all the way up to the 2200 block in one afternoon - both sides of the street. I was a fearless salesman. I sold a shitload of pens. I also scared the crap out of my parents because I vividly remember being in about the 1300 block of my street on the way back home and there they were, driving up the street in our old Maverick looking for us, sure that we had been abducted or murdered or something equally horrific. Shit no! We were just selling pens.

After that, I really lost my drive for selling. I remember being heckled by some 20 something guys when I was selling popcorn for Scouts (I'm pretty sure) and was kind of freaked out about that. After that, my introvert REALLY set in and I just couldn't go and sell things to people cold. I wasn't going door-to-door ever again for that kind of stuff. And mostly, I never did.

Well, since there's no door-to-door for Anna after the locusts picked the neighborhood clean, we resorted to telephone tonight. We called grandparents, aunts, uncles and godparents, among others. I let her do the pitch (spectacular! spectacular!) but sat on the extension while she talked. She did a pretty good job for being eight. She was articulate and excited and clearly wanted to make a sale. There always came a point where I had to break in and explain that this is not the type of fundraising you're used to. This is 21st century fundraising as you can go to the website and do online orders. The school has a number as does Anna. You plug the info in, order whatever you want and she gets credit for it. Plus, the stuff gets shipped to your house. How's that for slick?

The best part of the night was when Anna was e-mailing Heidi's mom with the info that she needed and I was checking it over before she sent it. The subject line of the e-mail was "fun raiser." I said to her, "Anna, it's FUND raiser. You're raising funds for the school - funds are money." She looked at me like suddenly, the light bulb had gone to full brilliance. I thought, but wisely kept to myself, that doing a fundraiser is decidedly not a "fun raiser." At least not for me.

Stop the paternity test, #12,238

We took the hour and ten minute drive from Ames to Carroll to see my folks today. My sister Wendy and her fiance Andrew were in town as well, so it seemed like a good excuse to get out of Dodge and get a change of scenery. Heidi edited like a mad woman through most of the trip over, which left Anna and me to our own devices. We listened to Kylie's Aphrodite pretty much all the way through (started on "Illusion" and stopped just before "Illusion" started again. Seriously, "Illusion" is the hidden gem on the album.) I heard her singing along to pretty much every song - as I've said, she knows the lyrics better than I do. Once that was done, we threw Confessions on a Dance Floor on and listened to that. It was Stuart Price fest! I still remember her singing along to this album when she was in preschool, and she still knows the words now. As I so frequently say, stop the paternity test!

But the proof positive came when we stopped in Jefferson at Sparky's One Stop for a pit stop.

She saw the sign and said "Hey Dad! Look! It's Sparky's One Stop...candy shop."

My heart swelled with such pride. I may not be doing everything perfectly, but I'm certainly doing something right. I totally won the kid lottery.

Those clouds in the background of the photo were all across the sky today. It was gorgeous - a very Iowan mid-summer sky.

Horsing around

We got up at the crack of dawn this morning to go out to the equestrian portion of the Iowa Games in which Anna was competing. The Iowa Games is, as the web site proclaims, the largest amateur sports festival in Iowa and for some reason, it is always in Ames. I always figured that having an athletic child would be the universe's revenge on me, but despite having more athletic ability in her little finger than I have in my whole body, she seems dedicated only to horses, eschewing most other sports. She has been taking riding lessons since she was in kindergarten. We've been through several different teachers - not because they were bad, but because of the transience that living in a college town will bring to your life. Her teacher over the last year has been Sara Edwards, who has just been fantastic for Anna. She took teaching Anna very seriously, teaching her tack and the essentials of horse maintenance as well as riding techniques. She didn't view this as just indulging a young girl's love of a horse. Sadly, she's leaving as well at the end of July.

She has accompanied Anna to three horse shows this year, all of which were in Ames and the last of which was today. Not only did the show land on the Saturday following a seemingly interminable 8-day-in-a-row stretch at work, but it was also the hottest, most humid day of the year. Even though we arrived at 7:15 AM today, it was already hot, headed for a high of 95 with heat indexes well into the 100s. Nevertheless, we persevered.



She competed at 8:00AM and 8:50AM and we endured the heat, humidity and blazing sun until around 10AM waiting for scores. When they hadn't resulted yet, we decided to blow the popsicle stand and go eat something. We were all hot, tired and crabby. So we hit Subway and with our blood glucose levels restored, we went back out and got her scores. While she did not place (they only award the top three finalists) I could not be prouder of her. It is no small feat to know how to control an animal like that, and she has about 1/3rd the mass I do. To me, she is amazing. I'm here to tell you I couldn't do that. Heidi and I were talking this morning about how she has this amazing amount of knowledge about horses of which we have virtually no concept. I imagine it isn't all that different from when I was taking piano as a kid and my parents were not able to help me at all - it was my thing, I had the knowledge and they didn't.

So once that was done, I headed into work for an hour to tie up some loose ends from the week and Heidi crashed on the couch. Not long after I returned home, I did the same thing. Anna heard that I was going to go sleep on the couch so she got it ready for me. Here's what I saw when I came in to sleep.

And yeah, I slept on the Princess blanket with the stuffed horse and unicorn surrounding me. How could I not?