The -ize have it

In so many respects, it's hard to specifically identify why one song is appealing and why another isn't. One of my rules for living is as follows: There is no such thing as a bad song - rather those songs that I dislike just don't appeal to me. I say this because so much of what I listen to could be characterized by so many people as "bad music" or "fluff music" or simply inconsequential. However, they don't know how good it makes me feel when I listen to it. So I'm always a bit loath to judge someone else's taste, knowing full well that there's a good chance that their "bad music" makes them feel just like the music I listen to makes me feel.

The function of all that nonsense above was really for me to state that I have identified a key characteristic in some of the music that I really love. For me, it's all in the rhyme.

The best song on Hard Candy is "Devil Wouldn't Recognize You." Madonna deserves to be proud of that song. It has eked its way into my top 20 Madonna songs which is truly a feat considering it's a song from Hard Candy. Anyway, the rhyming structure in this song just kills me. Look at this part:

I barely couldn't, I barely couldn't recognize
I still played right into it
Who am I to criticize?
Somehow I'll get through it
And you won't even realize
Falling through your own disguise.

Now, let's forgive Madonna her rather questionable grammar (I barely couldn't recognize? Please.) and focus on the brilliance of all those "-ize" rhymes. The only way it could have been better is if she had found a way to use "tantalize" or "cauterize" (or any of the zillion words ending in -ize.) Certainly the music it the words are set to helps immeasurably - the minor key is another immediate hook for me, but it's that little part of the song that gets me every single time.


(The performance of "Devil" on the tour was almost worth the entire $160 admission price. I also want the sheet music so I can play the piano part.)

And don't even get me started on -tion rhymes, which "Celebration" does well, as does Pat Benatar's "Sex As A Weapon" - although I do take issue with rhyming "weapon" with "obsession" and "reflection." But it still works. Also do not get me started on the version of "Celebration" now featuring Akon. Dear Madonna, you do not need to rent rappers. They won't help anyway.

Pervasiveness

I think, like it or not, "Candy Shop" has become a modern day Madonna classic - at least around our house. As I have said before, it is really so bad that it's good; not right, but it's okay. But the way that I know it is here to stay around our house? Anna has picked it up.

A couple choice incidents confirmed this for me. The other day, she was having honey on toast or graham crackers or something and apparently something clicked because suddenly I was greeted with "Hey Dad, honey is sticky and sweet!"

The other happened just last night. We were actually listening to "Candy Shop" in the car and I was a being a dork and singing along with it when suddenly from the back seat, I heard "Dad, what dose 'galore' mean?" ("Come on into my store/I've got candy galore" being the instigating line.) I said "Well, it means to have a lot of something." She thought for a minute and then said "Well, then that means [kid down the street] has Littlest Pets galore, you have action figures galore and Mom has writing galore!"

And to top it all off, as we got out of the car and were headed to the front door, I got this:

"Hey Dad, her sugar is raw."

She works hard for the money

I am in SHOCK that Madonna is hitting the road again this summer (in Europe) with an extension of the Sticky & Sweet Tour.

As much fun as the show was, if it were to reappear in the States, there is no way I would pay that kind of money to see the same show again. Not no way, not no how.

I can only assume that her hauling herself back out on the road means that she either a) knows where the money is to be made these days or b) is over a barrel at Live Nation, with them putting the screws to her saying "get out there on the road!" I think it is probably a combination of both, but I have to say that I am disappointed that this is happening. The whole Hard Candy era is one best forgotten soon, and there's really no way that she can concentrate on new material if she is rehashing the past.

What I DO think this means is that this spring will see a rereleased and repackaged Hard Candy (with probably new remixes but no new songs or artwork or anything that would tempt me in the slightest to purchase it) and then a greatest hits in time for Christmas 2009. As I was saying to a friend tonight in e-mail, by Q4 of 2009, there may be no one with money left to buy the hits package! I also wonder what the tour extension will do for the planned release of the DVD. Perhaps she hated how the Buenos Aires dates turned out so much that she's going to try to get a better recording this summer.

I really dislike how much Madonna is repeating herself these days. It has not been this hard to be a fan since the Erotica days when it seemed like she was making bad decision after bad decision. I am still holding out hope for something brilliant.

But of all the tours to extend, why did it have to be this one? Just saying.

(Thanks to XO for inspiring this post)

Like a marriage

Last night I was out and about doing some last minute shopping for stuff for Christmas stockings, photocopying the Christmas letter and getting a few other odds and ends. It was a night in which not only was it helpful to get your zen on, it was essential. Everyone and their brother was out last night, trying to score bargains, etc. an d parking at most places was at a premium. But rather than be irritated with it, I just went with the flow. You really had no other choice that didn't result in spontaneous human combustion.

Anyway, during this whole thing, I was listening to Madonna (I know, shocking.) While I was in the car, it was Hard Candy. While I was walking around the stores, it was American Life. And it was during this time period that I figured out the biggest problem with Hard Candy (and yes, I know this blog has been filled with musings on why Hard Candy ultimately disappointed. Deal.) Hard Candy is kind of like the one night stand that is all titillating and naughty and seems like a good idea at the time. Only after it's all over do you discover that all you have left is a bad taste in your mouth and an STD. American Life, on the other hand, is the marriage. It is moody and joyful and emotional and sometimes makes you want to run screaming from the room because it drives you so fucking crazy. But it's the real deal, it's the one that makes you feel alive. It's the authentic one, the one worth your time and energy. Years later, it still resonates.

Give me American Life any day of the week.

Best of 2008: In spite of myself

A quick one-off post as I have been busy and working and shoveling snow that does not want to stop falling. Seriously, snow or sleet or ice in the forecast EVERY DAY for the next 5 days. Welcome to Iowa.

My best of song-list is in the coming - it is not the 80 minutes that I usually like to do and topped out at 16 songs. However, there are a couple of songs that did not make the list that I listened to a ton this year. I am also quite embarrassed to admit to liking these songs. Quality-wise, they are not the best, but there is a large gap between how good these songs actually are from an artistic standpoint and how much I love the hell out of them. So they get their own post.

Candy Shop - Madonna
Fuck it. I love this song. I hated this song when it leaked about 9 months prior to Hard Candy's release. I found it to be so far beneath Madonna that it was practically subterranean. But just before Hard Candy leaked, I found myself listening to "Candy Shop" more and more. I don't know what it is about this song that I love, because really, it is an embarrassment for Madonna. She is capable of so much more! But sometimes going back to the lowest common denominator can make one feel oh-so-good while feeling oh-so-trashy. Despite my initial reservations, it was the perfect opener for the Sticky & Sweet Tour. While emerging on the M throne is no coming out of a disco ball, the "Candy Shop" entrance really is iconic Madonna. And Madonna really seems to enjoy the song, and so do I. As another diva said, it's not right, but it's okay.

I'm That Chick - Mariah Carey
Hell must have frozen over (along with everything else) because E=MC2 is the first Mariah Carey album since the debut that I have not hated right out of the box. Mariah lovers, leave me alone! To each their own. OK, I kind of liked Emotions, but anything post 1993 has not really been appealing to me in any way or form. But when you get right down to it, I probably like E=MC2 and Hard Candy about equally. I can still live without the random rappers and vocal acrobatics that Mariah seems to employ, but both were in much shorter supply than in previous outings. "I'm That Chick" is probably my favorite song from the record. It is probably the most politically incorrect song (seriously, someone got in trouble at work for using the word "chick") on the album, but it has a groove that I cannot get out of my head. Between that and "I'll Be Loving You Long Time" (a song with an inadvertent politically incorrect association) it's the best Mariah has done in quite a while. Which, considering my track record with Mariah is not saying much, but I'm just saying.

Take a car out to Heathrow

I was talking with a friend this morning about how we're kind of done with the whole Hard Candy project. Really, the only thing I am waiting for right now is the DVD of the Sticky & Sweet Tour (which is set to be filmed at the upcoming Buenos Aires shows.) My disappointment with the album as a whole was diminished by the tour, but I still feel like it is a half-assed effort that she could not even bother to promote. I am hoping that she disappears for a while to get her act back together and come back with something brilliant. As it is right now, she is descending into what appears to be a mid-life crisis with the whole A-Rod and plastic surgery thing. Come on, Madonna. Act your age!

I know that she is capable of brilliance, but it looks like we'll be waiting a while for that to reappear.

In the meantime, I am absolutely in love with A Crowd Electric's remix/mash-up of "Miles Away." From what I have gathered, they were so disappointed with the remixes that were officially commissioned that they did their own which I think is better than all the official ones put together (and most of the Hard Candy remixes in general.) Rather than turn it into a dance floor anthem or something that it is not, they were much more subtle about it. It almost plays like a mid-to-late 90s production with the spoken word interludes and smooth and cool beat which is not all that different from the original. Honestly, this is my favorite Madonna remix since the extended remix of "Jump" in 2006. I used to be all over remixes, especially Madonna remixes, but since they became a dime a dozen on the internet, give me the album version any day of the week over some shitty fan remix or 12 minute monster that barely uses her vocals.

You used to be able to download the remix from A Crowd Electric's web site, but apparently Warner had a coniption fit so it has been taken down. You can't even stream it on their MySpace page. Luckily, I grabbed it before it got taken down.

Meanwhile, here's Madonna meeting people in Argentina (photo via Madonnalicious.) She looks good, but those cheeks are just too much.

In the evidence of non-brilliance

Madonna herself said it best in "Mother & Father": I've got to give it up. As much as it pains me, I'm giving up my continued defense of Madonna's Hard Candy. Perhaps I could if Madonna bothered to actually PROMOTE the album apart from a couple of one-off shows and some sub par videos, but no. I know she's touring in support of it, but she would have done that anyway. Plus, by the time she actually hits the road, the album will probably be off the charts and will have run its course.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with XO and say that Hard Candy really is STALE Candy. It has not aged well in the two months since its release. As an album, it just doesn't hold up to repeated listens. There are several excellent songs on it, and a couple latter day Madonna classics, but mostly, I just don't find myself going back to it again and again like I should be a new Madonna album. Hell, at this point in 2003, I was still listening to American Life like crazy, and we all know how well received that album was. Last night when I went to take Rampage back to Family Video, I put Hard Candy in the car's CD player and didn't even make it through "Candy Shop" before I was putting Confessions On A Dance Floor in to cleanse my palate.

Someone on the Madonna listserv that I was on ages ago once said something that has really stuck with me - and that is you can ALWAYS tell when Madonna does something half-assed. In a year that has seen her adopting a child, directing a movie, making a documentary and launching a clothing line, making an album seemed to be far down the priority list. The very thing that has made her famous since the early 80s took a backseat. She neglected the music.

I have been a Madonna fan for nearly 25 years and I approached this album with a great deal of trepidation. I was nervous about it from the get go. As soon as I heard she was collaborating with the hot producers of the day rather than finding producers and turning them into the hot producers (a la Stuart Price, Mirwais, etc.), I knew we were in trouble. It struck me as very un-Madonna. Rather than setting trends, she appeared to be following them. When "The Beat Goes On" and "Candy Shop" leaked last summer, it seemed my worst fears were confirmed. For the first time in her quarter century career, she seemed to be going somewhere that I could not follow, at least not very easily.

Still, I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Initially, I did like quite a few of the songs. I'm recognizing that now as a similar feeling to being caught up in the initial giddiness of a crush, with what happens to the relationship being more accurately determined after the giddy phase has passed. Well, we're here folks. And honestly, there are four songs that do it for me and that's about it. The new Madonna classics on this album are "Miles Away" and "Devil Wouldn't Recognize You." These two tracks have been played over and over again and when I remove them from the context of the album, I really do enjoy them. "Give It 2 Me", the next single which looks poised to flop here in the US, is also quite good, but I vastly prefer the Oakenfold remix edit that was on the iTunes deluxe edition of the album. This mix strips the song of of its R&B aspirations and makes it what it should be - a dance floor stomper that takes no prisoners and doesn't look back. Additionally, "Dance 2Night" still sounds good, even though, as Adem pointed out in the comment section to my original Hard Candy post, she does sound a bit bored singing it.

This will probably amaze and piss off and cause *gasps!* from my pop blogger friends, but my harshest words are actually saved for "4 Minutes." In the final analysis of "4 Minutes," I view it as no more than a novelty song, not all that dissimilar from a "Walk Like An Egyptian" or "Woolly Bully." It may have been a huge hit for Madonna, but it broke no new ground, found her sitting in the passenger's seat on the kick off single from a new album and those goddamn horny horns just grate on me. I know that it was her most successful single since "Music" in 2000, but at what cost? And how much of that radio play resulted from the Justin factor?

Despite the fact that I am ultimately disappointed by the album it is designed to promote, I harbor not a single regret over having purchased tickets to the Sticky & Sweet Tour. I have no doubt that the tour will be fantastic. Madonna has never done a tour half-assed, ever. I think that while the set list will be Hard Candy heavy, there will also be a liberal sprinkling of 80s hits and fan favorites. She is smart to do this. Even though she would like to distance herself from the hits that made her who she is, those are what people want to hear. Rumours that she will be double-dutch jump roping in heels as well as including my all time favorite Madonna song, "Borderline", leave me with high hopes that the tour will be as good as all the other tours I have attended. I have yet to be truly disappointed by any of Madonna's live shows and perhaps hearing some of these songs performed live will put them in a new perspective and allow for a new approach.

This is not the first time that Madge and I have fallen out. I have reported in this blog over and over again about how I severely cooled on Madonna in the wake of "This Used To Be My Playground", still a song I feel to be a low point for her. It even caused me to put off the purchase of Erotica. However, the eventual purchase of Erotica launched my fandom in a new direction and pretty much sealed my fate as in for the long haul.

No worries - I have not been replaced by a pod person and I'm not about to abandon Hard Mandy (as the UK tabloids are calling her.) I am not, however, someone who will defend everything that my favorite artists do when I do not like it. And this is the case with Hard Candy.

So if you're looking for me, I'll probably be listening to American Life. I am grooving on "Mother & Father" these days!!

(although I will more likely be listening to Deborah Harry. She turned 63 on Tuesday and I plum forgot!!)

All spun up

Jeff called me from his vacation spot in sunny Florida last night and he mentioned how he was at a record store and listened to Cyndi Lauper's new record. I don't know that he has ever been what you would call a Cyndi Lauper "fan" but he really could not say enough good things about that album. And he made a stunning admission, basically calling it the more worthy successor to Confessions On A Dance Floor. I have to say that while I do appreciate Hard Candy and enjoy the songs, it still do and always will prefer Confessions to it.

Anyway, here's the video for Cyndi's "Into The Nightlife." I love it. This song may boot "Same Ol' Story" from the summer playlist, although there may be room for both. We'll just have to see how the summer plays out.



And since it's finally available on YouTube and Warner has called off the attack dogs, here's Madonna's "Give It 2 Me" video. Lazy, yes, but she looks fantastic!



This video reminds me, stylistically, a lot of the "Erotica" video, with it's black and white and cut aways to still photos.

Gollum's sugar is raw

I don't know about anyone else, but we're getting TONS of mileage out of Madonna and "Candy Shop" and the "My sugar is raw!" line. Heidi still can't really stomach the song, but she does appreciate the campiness of Madonna whispering in her best Dita, "My sugar is raw!"

But you know, would someone PLEASE do a remix of "Candy Shop" that incorporates Gollum from The Two Towers. I mean, the song is begging for it. I can just hear it now..."dance, dance...stick, sticky and sweet...my sugar is raw" at which point Gollum is sampled over Madonna. With the stroke of a sample, Madonna's sugar is no longer just raw, but also wriggling!

I got a stern look over the glasses from Heidi when I suggested this, but she has since seen the light. Come on amateur remixers! Are you up to the challenge?

Just call her Saint Heidi...

...but don't dare say that her sugar is raw.

For the fourth time in seven years, Jeff and I are headed to see Madonna play live on the Sticky & Sweet World Tour. This time around, we're not jetting off to someplace exotic but rather, we settled on trying to get tickets to her Chicago show at the United Center on October 26th. Since Jeff is a teacher, it was really the only show he could realistically go to. Jeff getting time off work is not exactly the same as me putting in for the day off and using vacation time. He'll probably have to use one of his personal days for the day after the concert (Monday.)

Wait a second, tickets aren't even on sale until Saturday? What gives?

Well, via Jeff's brother-in-law, we found out that you could get in on a presale if you have a Citi card. Since our souls are forever enslaved to Wells Fargo, the only credit card we have is a WF card. Jeff, however, had a Citi card. He gave the necessary digits to Heidi who, dutifully, at 10AM on Tuesday morning, logged on to Ticketmaster and bought the tickets for us. So we're going! Again! To Madonna!

The last time we saw Madonna in Chicago was on the Drowned World Tour in 2001, when Heidi was wildly pregnant with Anna and came down in a cab to pick us up from the arena after the show. We were in the rafters for that show--seriously, there was nothing above us but ceiling as I am fond of saying. This time, however, we have MUCH better seats. They are in section 208, row 6, seats 1,2 and 3. Every other Madonna show we have seen, we have seen from the right hand side of the arena. Not so this time! Take a look.

We're pretty much going to face the stage head-on! And the best part? The tickets were "only" $165 a piece. While still a small fortune, they are nearly $100 a piece less than my Confessions Tour tickets, and the seats we have for the Sticky & Sweet Tour are comparable to the ones we had for the Confessions Tour. So this is a good thing and plus we can wave at the poor saps that will be sitting in the seats we had for Drowned World.

So why did you buy three tickets when there are only two of you going?

Well, that's the other bonus. My good pal and Blogger buddy Yuri is flying up from Florida with his wife to meet up with us and attend the concert as well! He and his wife are going to make a weekend of it in Chi-town, while Jeff and I (and hopefully Heidi and Anna, if I can talk them into it and we can save the money for all of us to go) show up probably the day of the concert. So I'm looking forward to meeting up with him and hanging out and discussing all things Madge related. Ain't the internet grand, folks?

So, yes, Heidi is a saint, for taking time out of her all-writing-all-day day yesterday to buy the tickets for us. But that's not all! She also must have read my post the other day moaning and groaning about the piss poor quality of the Hard Candy tracks that I bought from iTunes, because I got home from work last night and what do I see on the table but the Hard Candy CD picked up from Best Buy. She is still not sold on the album. Granted, she has not really heard all that much of it but Jeff and I have been going on and on about the "my sugar is RAW!" part on "Candy Shop." I played just that part for her last night and she was decidedly not impressed. I believe that her exact quote was "God! That's like a booger in my ear!" That's kind of what I thought when I first heard it last summer, but I have since come to really like it, mostly for the campiness of the "my sugar is RAW!" line.

I have only a little bit of nervousness regarding the tour, and most of it comes from the fact that I am still not as hot on the album as I was on Confessions. I know that it's not fair to compare Madonna's new work to her past work, but for me it is impossible not to. I have a feeling that the set list will be heavy on Hard Candy and light on the old stuff. It could be very Drowned World Tour in that respect (although I swear if she trots out "La Isla Bonita" one more time...) The other thing that makes me a bit nervous is that by the end of October, the weather starts to get a bit dicey which makes travel interesting. Oh well, we'll just hope for the best and not court trouble.

So once again, Heidi proves to be the best wife ever. Not surprising.

(props to TKT for providing the inspiration for the internal monologue style stuff)