Facebook me

In an attempt to see as many Oscar nominated films as possible this year, Heidi, Caryle and I went out to see The Social Network at the dollar theater. (Jeff was there in spirit - his strep throat is back with a vengeance.) Yes, I know the nominations aren't out till January 25th, but I have a pretty good feeling that The Social Network will make the cut and wind up with one of the ten Best Picture nominations. I had almost seen this movie when I was in Kansas City at the end of October, but the $25 per ticket price tag put the kibosh on that - it was one of those AMC Cinema Suites theaters. Yeah, no dice - are you there to eat or watch the movie?? In the end, I'm glad I only paid a dollar to see it.

Being glad that I only paid a dollar to see it would imply that I didn't like it. On the contrary, the movie was certainly better than most. The screenplay was well written, the acting well done and the story more than engaging. I was always interested in what was going on and was never bored. I like most of David Fincher's movies, including the underrated Zodiac and the much maligned Alien 3 and was really interested in hearing the story of what would one day become the biggest social network in the world. So why, when the movie was over, did I feel so empty? It was like I'd just spent 2 hours watching a story that I enjoyed and was intrigued by, but when the lights came up in the theater, it was the cinematic equivalent of a fast food meal.

What I loved about the movie was its atmosphere - and in hindsight, that's what I love about most of Fincher's movies. I really felt like I was in college with Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin. One thing I will say is if that's Harvard, I'm glad I had no part of it. It certainly didn't reflect my college experience socially, academically or any other "ly" you can think of, but it felt very authentic. It was exciting to watch Facebook start out as "The Facebook" (which sounds like something my grandmother might have called it) and morph slowly into what many of us use on a daily basis. The flashback way of telling the story was a smart way to tell the story too, as this effectively spread the drama throughout the movie rather than having a big build up that explodes at the end.

Still, as good as it was, it left me feeling empty. And I think that is probably not the fault of The Social Network or any of the people involved in it. I think that what it really caused problems with it were my expectations of the film and how I watch movies nowadays. I was talking to Heidi after the movie was over and I reiterated my statement that I was glad I only spent a dollar for it. We got to talking and honestly, I am so happy to wait for just about any movie to come to either the dollar theater or DVD prior to seeing it. This feeling would shock the shit out of my 20-year-old self. In fact, if I had known that it was coming out on DVD on Tuesday, I probably would have just skipped it altogether as it required a Herculean effort just to get to the theater.

I was looking back over the movies I've seen in the last year and I don't think that I really and truly enjoyed any that were not at least a little bit campy, leaning hard into the so-bad-it's-good territory. And that's what the dollar theater is all about. It remains the site of the only movie I have actually heard people "boo" at the end of (Silent Hill - it deserved it.) And I think that in the end, what made it hard for me to completely enjoy the movie is that I felt like I "should" like it more. If there's anything that pisses me off pop culture-wise, it's being told what I should or shouldn't like. I can make up my own mind, thanks. And movies like this, that have a 99% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes and are universally lauded for their perfection always make me a little bit leery.

Trust me, I don't need splashy effects or car chases to get me involved in a movie (they help, but aren't essential.) But at the end of The Social Network, I didn't really feel like I knew anybody any better than in the first frame of the movie. I also didn't feel like there was a terrible amount of development of the characters either. They pretty much were as they started, just richer.

So I remain conflicted on The Social Network. I think it might deserve a rewatch at home once the DVD is released. I won't mind if it gets the Best Picture Oscar (David Fincher is long overdue - he should have at least been nominated for Zodiac) but I'm only part way through Inception and I already like it better.

Monolith

There's a lot of, well, buzz about Google Buzz. Admittedly, I have not looked into it. Like I need any more social media sites to worry about - the ones I have now cause me enough consternation and grief as it is. All reports seem to indicate that it's less locked down than either Twitter or Facebook so I can't imagine it doing much except for people who really don't care one whit about their online privacy. It is, however, Google so there's no telling.

I've talked a lot on these pages about Facebook and how I both love and hate it. In spite of the fact that I get to decide who I let in, it still seems like the large number of people from different parts of my life all agglomerated in one spot is a bit daunting at times. Facebook helped address that problem with new privacy settings granting me He-Man like power in allowing certain friends to see or not see certain things. It makes it sound like I'm living this seedy double life and no matter how much I wish that to be true some days, nothing could be further from the truth. I just feel like that not everyone needs to know everything about me, or even the small amount that I post online. There's also a false sense of security in that control - no matter who you block, you're still posting it on the internet. There's no stopping someone from retweeting or sharing something that you did or posted with a mutual friend and then there it goes. As Olivia so eloquently put it, "once the rumor spreads, the truth is just a thing of the past."

While this is not a new thing for me to think about, I have been having an increasingly difficult time reconciling this feeling. It wasn't until a couple weeks ago that someone put it in terms that really resonated for me. I'm paraphrasing, which she was as well, but it goes something like this:

"The definition of good mental health is knowing the appropriate response based on the person and the situation."

She (and I) would argue that social media, especially Facebook, takes away that ability to make those decisions. Instead, you're forced into one monolithic response to everyone around you. Personally, I know that most of my inner circle (family, close friends) get me enough that pretty much anything I say will be at least partially understood - but what about the people I graduated from high school with? Co-workers? Long lost old acquaintances? Not so much and not quite as "safe." As usual for me, it's about boundaries and in the world of social media, boundaries are increasingly nebulous.

The same person who was talking to me about this also thinks that whenever successful communication between people occurs, it should be classified as a minor miracle. With all the things that can go wrong or be misinterpreted when people are trying to communicate, I would have to agree with her. It's a reminder to us all to be a bit more forgiving of the people around us. But it's also a mild warning that I think can apply well to social media.

No one is a monolith, and no one should be forced to be one.

Now excuse me while I go post a Barbara Mandrell video to Facebook.

Too much information

I love and hate Facebook, much like I love and hate Twitter (although my fondness for Twitter is nowhere near my fondness for Facebook). What I love most about Facebook is that it has allowed me to be in contact with people that I have lost touch with over the last 20 years, as well as family members and friends that I see every day. I will readily admit that I also enjoy looking at people's photos and reading status updates and following links that they post. Heidi always gives me a bad time for being a snoop, and yeah, I kind of am but I prefer to look at it as being interested in what makes people tick. It's people's little idiosyncracies and weird interests that make them interesting, not the boring suburban face that we all put on to a degree. It is cliched, but even though our similarities bring us together, it's our differences that so frequently cement friendships.

I have always said that I am pretty deliberate about what I put on Facebook - even moreso than I am on this blog. I like the way Heidi puts it (paraphrasing here) in that if people are reading my blog, they're here by choice. It's also a much more limited audience. Facebook, on the other hand, is full of people from all areas of my life - family, friends, old acquaintances, online friends and, most importantly, people I work with. And I feel like discretion is the better part of valor and balls-out honesty on Facebook is just not appropriate. So as a consequence, my most thoughtful, deep-thinking stuff always ends up here, going out to a much smaller audience which sometimes kind of bugs me but really, that's probably for the better. People reading here know what to expect of me and know that I will cycle into periods of intense self-reflection and then cycle out of them and blather on about Madonna like a fool.

But I've also found that even simple status updates elicit too much attention. For example, I changed my status to "Dan is drinking for diversion and thinking for himself" Friday night because I had heard that Joni Mitchell song and thought it appropriate for the weekend. But I got so many comments on that status from co-workers in real life that I'm tempted to go back and delete it, even though it is certainly not anything to be ashamed of. I guess I just don't like going in to work every day and having my status commented on. It is these kinds of things I think about when I am tempted to show someone I work with my blog. I don't think I would mind in the abstract - there are some I would really like to show it too, but I do believe that you have to draw some sort of a line between your personal and professional life, and sometimes, even Facebook is too much of a violation of that rule.

As usual, I am full of contradictions. I am irritated by both too much and not enough attention. God, am I high maintenance or what? ;)

A word about 25 things

I came across this article on the Huffington Post tonight that is basically a rebuttal to all the people that are decrying the "25 Random Things About Me" meme that has spread across Facebook faster than gonorrhea at an orgy.

I wanted to stand up and applaud when I finished it.

Here's the thing. Lists like that are by their very nature narcissistic and masturbatory. So is blogging for that matter. I mean, seriously, I've been at this for five years and do I really think that even 25 people give a damn about what I think about Madonna or want to hear about the latest thing I did with my daughter? No, I'm no fool. (I've killed the boss. You think they're not going to fire me for a thing like that?) And even most of the people that I am friends with on Facebook are likely not interested in the 25 things that I listed.

But it interests me. And in the end, that's all that matters. And while Facebook is a bit different from blogging because it is much more interactive and social, whereas blogging sometimes feels more like journaling with an audience (however small it might be), the same thing applies there.

A lot of the anti-25 things rhetoric is very much focused on people sharing stuff that they probably shouldn't. And yes, there should be a certain amount of thought put into the stuff you put on the internet, even if it is on Facebook which is semi-private. But what is to stop one of your "friends" from airing your dirty laundry, especially when many of us have work friends on Facebook? People that don't have a certain amount of propriety will almost surely be bitten by it at some point.

The other argument that the anti-25 things folks are griping about is that it is mundane. Well sure it is. But it certainly wasn't to the people that wrote it, although I will admit to liking the ones that are well-written. And they didn't write it for you. Ultimately they wrote it for themselves, whether they realize it or not. The entire 5 year history of this blog could fall into that category: I didn't write it for you. I wrote it for me. And while there are certain posts that were inspired by certain folks or that I wrote hoping to get a rise out this or that person, in the end, it was all for me.

Yes, I'm a selfish bastard. In the end, the truth comes out.

Facebook reality

This video is making the rounds. It is done in jest, but it is spot on as well.



It's funny how Facebook friend requests go in waves, and then plateau in between. At least that's been my experience. For me, Facebook is a fun way to keep in touch with other people, but the real writing and stuff I really care about will always be here in this spot. Facebook is good for sharing links that don't deserve a whole blog post and for random thoughts that can't possibly BE a whole blog post. The applications (for the most part) can hang.

(via Facebook, naturally)