Tall people

Apparently, Friday was Hug a Tall Person Day. Normally, I don't get into these fake, made up holidays but as someone who is fairly tall, I must say that I didn't get nearly the hugs I was hoping for. But hey, win some and lose some. It did, however, get me to thinking about my favorite tall people. Naturally, my 6-foot-tall wife and my tall-for-her-age daughter are far and away my two favorite tall people. But of course, there are some others. Who knows, maybe I would have hugged them today. No particular order, as usual.

1) Robert Wadlow
According to the Guinness Book of World Records, he was the tallest person that ever lived, measuring 8'11" (or something like that.) I can't even imagine being that tall. Anyway, Wadlow grew so tall thanks to an overfunctioning pituitary gland that secreted wild amounts of growth hormone. He only lived 22 years, dying from a cellulitis caused by a leg brace, but even then, he showed no signs that his growing had stopped. I remember Wadlow being one of the subjects of the HBO special Some Call Them Freaks which was on when I was a kid. It kind of freaked me out, as did Wadlow.

2) The Tall Man (from Phantasm)
Jesus Christ, is Phantasm one fucked up movie or what. I've seen it several times and I still don't think I could give a synopsis of the plot. That said, the Tall Man is one scary m.f. He runs Morningside Mortuary and, as near as I can tell, is using human bodies as slaves on his planet (dimension?) He has super human strength and yellow blood and well, what can you say. I hope that Angus Scrimm has squeezed every last ounce of coolness out of playing such a titular character. I think it's probably high time for a rewatch of that entire series.

3) Treebeard
While technically not a person, you can't deny that Treebeard is most certainly tall.

4) Jack Skellington
I never saw The Nightmare Before Christmas until just last year, and I have to admit that it was better than I expected. It scared Anna (of course) but the influence it had on Corpse Bride, which I think is the better of the two pictures, is palpable. I have no idea how tall he is in his world, but man, he seems like he'd be the tallest thing around with legs that just go on and on. I totally should go as Jack Skellington for Halloween some year, it would be a piece of cake.

5) Wonder Woman
Again, don't know how tall she actually is, but she's an Amazon so she must be tall, right? She will forever be Woman, Wonder to Jeff and me (that's pronounced Woman Comma Wonder), and the ultimate potrayal of her will always be Lynda Carter's in the TV show from the 70s. She'll make the Axis fold, stop a war with love, make a hawk a dove and make a liar tell the truth. You're a wonder, Wonder Woman!

So if there are any tall people in your life that you didn't hug, get to it! Even though Hug A Tall Person Day is history, as a wise person once said (Kylie, I think), it's never too late!

Suit shopping for Frankenstein

At the end of the month, my sister's getting married. Not terribly surprisingly, I am invited to the wedding. However, I'm also IN the wedding. I haven't been a proper stand-up part of a wedding in a long time - probably not since I was the best man in my brother's wedding in 2004 (not counting my own wedding in 1997, of course.) This wedding is such a cool undertaking. Not only is it wedding, but it's also a New Year's Eve party. It's also at the historic Englert Theater in downtown Iowa City. From what I have gathered, there aren't traditional groomsmen and bridesmaids either, but rather an inclusion of family and friends in an unconventional way. And to further set it apart from other weddings, the guys are NOT wearing tuxes. And there was much rejoicing. All that's required of me to wear for this wedding is a black suit. This means I'm going to have to purchase a black suit as I don't own one. So today Heidi and I went suit shopping.

I own one suit and I think I've worn it twice. Once was to a job interview and the other time might have been to a wedding - I can't recall. I always say that I would rather imbibe a quart of hemlock than have a job that requires me to wear a suit to work every day. Hell, the job I have now doesn't even require me to wear a tie. I don't know what my aversion to suits is - I imagine it has a lot to do with societal expectations which I both like to meet and don't like to meet. I don't mind wearing a suit to something like my sister's wedding, but as an item in my everyday wardrobe? Forget that shit.

We went to a local place to look and we were done before we even got started since their low-end suits started at $350. Their higher end ones went up to $899!! That's almost a thousand dollars! I can't imagine any situation in which I would spend nearly a grand on one particular outfit. So we went out to JC Penney and looked there. What we found there was much more affordable. I had a lot of different brands to choose from that looked pretty good on me. I even found, after initially resisting, that a vest really DOES make a suit look better. There was one hiccup though.

My torso and arms are just too damn long.

Even 42L suit coat was short in the arms and sadly, that was as far up as most of them went. Well, there was one 44 regular that I tried on and that one was so tightly cut in the back that I couldn't button it. Those of you who know it wasn't because I was trying to pull the damn thing over a huge beer gut. I was also reminded of why I shy away from formal dress shirts. My neck is 17 1/2" and my arms are 36/37. I found VERY few shirts with that kind of arm length. The fact of the matter is I am just freakishly tall and I guess that even at 38 years of age, I'm still a bit disproportionate. Apparently, I'm still in my "awkward phase."

I think what we're going to do is go down to Dillard's in Des Moines tomorrow and have an actual salesperson help us. I need some kind of happy medium between the budget busting suits at the downtown store vs. the do-it-yourself approach of JC Penney. I bought my last suit at Dillard's and it served me just fine.

One thing I will say is that I looked much better in a suit than I remembered - my wife reminded me of that several times while I was trying them on. Despite the fact that I was bringing out the animal in her, I still would never actively seek a job that required me to wear them daily.

Some things you just can't compromise on.