My inner Mulder

My folks came over to Ames yesterday for the adoption party the Jan & Sarah were throwing for their four kids and they arrived bearing gifts. Well, actually A gift. For me. As it turns out, they had gone to the Clay County Fair this week. It seems like they go every year. A few years back, they saw a pre-out-of-the-closet Clay Aiken in concert at the Clay County Fair. Last year, they found a 12" Doctor Octopus that I proudly added to my collection of random pop culture bits that I have in my office.

This year, my mom and dad completely outdid themselves, because this is what they brought me.


It's an alien baby! In a lava lamp like apparatus! My mom told the guy that she bought it from "this is for my 38-year-old son who is going on 7." I would say more like going on 12, but whatever.

The Fox Mulder in me is positively giddy because, as my brother-in-law pointed out on Facebook - it might be a REAL alien baby! It bears a remarkable resemblance to the alien fetus in the X-Files episode "The Erlenmeyer Flask" which I think I'm going to have to rewatch today since today is going to be nothing but lazing about exerting as little energy as possible. Witness:


So if I end dying mysteriously soon, you'll know why. It will be up to my loyal friends and family (and people who stumble upon this blog via random searches) to make sure my death was not in vain. THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

A couple more pictures, just because my mom and dad are so damn awesome.

Headless

So the other day, I was doing a little bit of rearranging in my office. It's been a long time since I reorganized the shelves upon which so many of the pop culture/horror figures I've managed to collect over the years stand and I figured why not now? I had decided that I wanted to try to group all the Alien figures in one space on a short bookshelf next to my desk. I had just enough room and they were all standing comfortably next to Doctor Octopus my mom found at a flea market and the glow-in-the-dark zombies that I got for Christmas.

Standing comfortably until the other morning when I came back in from my shower to discover one of the Aliens had taken a head-first dive to the floor and gone from this:


to this:


I have always been a little bit disappointed with this figure even though he is highly detailed and very cool looking. It was a constant battle to get him to stand up, always trying to find the magic combination of standing on one foot, patting your head and rubbing your stomach in an effort to encourage him to stay upright. Up on the high shelf, he was very precariously balanced. He actually seemed to stand up better upon relocation to a lower shelf, but I can only assume the magnified vibrations of footsteps in the floor (not to mention the trains that go through several times a day) proved to be too much.

It's probably nothing a little super glue can't fix, but it still kind of sucks. I have half a mind to super glue him to his base to prevent this from happening again. But such a quick fix didn't stop me from looking for a better, more sturdy replacement. Sadly, there is not much to be had that doesn't cost a pretty penny. (The Dog Alien is especially coveted.)

So I guess until I get my lazy butt to Hy-Vee to buy some super glue, in space, no one can hear HIM scream.

Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

It seems kind of silly to post it here, since there's a full album of it over on Facebook. Anymore, posting stuff there reaches a wider audience, but I still can't put near the amount of commentary there that I'd like. Because of that, you get the redundancy. But last night was Halloween, and because there's been so much sickness going around this year, we were saying small prayers all week that we would be able to make it through to Halloween without getting sick. In all seriousness, I'd rather be sick on Christmas than on Halloween, because you sure as shootin' don't get to dress like this on Christmas!

We had what is rapidly becoming our annual Halloween bash last night which was well attended and fun all around. As you can see, we all dressed the part as well. Anna is Coraline, Heidi is a Scrabble tile (which was an idea that I sarcastically suggested when she was trying to figure out what her costume should be, only to have her pick it up and run with it) and I am an Alien chestburster victim. Here's a close-up - I am prouder than hell of how it turned out.

The costume overall was easier than you'd think to rig up - I had the plush chestburster already (which was originally blogged about during Nerdery Week) and the bloody shirt was an ink-stained T-shirt that I cut a hole in the center of. I wore a red fleece shirt underneath it, pushed the chestburster through the hole in the shirt and wrapped the tail around my body. A bit uncomfortable, but not bad. The blood on the shirt is spray blood from the Halloween Bootique here in town and the blood on my face is lipstick.

As good as my costume was, it will not top my good friend Jeff who once again proved that it's not Halloween if he's not in a dress.

Jeff is my hero if for no other reason than he is so completely fearless in his actions. He, as I have said before, leads the "fuck you" charge against traditional masculinity and all its traps and preconceived notions of what being a man means. I am nowhere near as brave as he is, but I will always cheer him on and draw inspiration from it.

There was a lot of candy and food and good conversation. It's always that way with this crowd. It included people like my parents who have known me since birth and Jeff who I have known for 20+ years, as well as bringing in new faces like Jan and Sarah and their 4 kids who we met this year. And while the transitive property of friendship is sometimes a bit dicey, it always seems to work with us - and I'll just be thankful for that.

So today has been a bit more subdued. We went to the NaNoWriMo write-in at Smokey Row in Des Moines. Well, actually Heidi and Anna were the only ones writing, but I finally finished The Worst Hard Time so at least I can say I accomplished something. What I really should have done today is spend time in the yard raking leaves, which I'm not sure I would have had the energy for even if we'd have been at home.

The demise of October and switch to November is always a little hard for me. I'm not really sure why - it's purely arbitrary and really shouldn't matter much. I guess it's because to me, it feels like fall is over the instant October ends and November begins. It may as well start snowing, although actually forget I said that because of the aforementioned yard full of leaves. We stopped at Petsmart in Ankeny on the way home and they are full-on Christmas already so I can only imagine what less niche-y stores are like.

So here's to November, let's see what it does. Mostly I'm ready to kiss 2009 goodbye. There have been a few good things (the trip, Heidi's book sales) but mostly, it's kind of sucked. There's two months left to redeem it.

The lunchbox chronicles

In an attempt to both save money and eat better, I have been trying to take my own lunch to work as much as is humanly possible. I have had mixed results with this - mostly my rate of success is directly proportional to the lateness of my shift - but overall it's been going well. I have had this green lunch bag for years that I've used off and on but it has seriously seen better days. The inside is ripped and it takes 10 years to dry after you wash it because water gets into the rips. I had been using Wal-Mart and Target bags for my lunch and when we ran out of those, I went to simple brown bags. Boring, but they get the job done.

A couple weeks ago, Heidi was out at Target and I don't know what possessed her but she bought me a lunch box. It was one of those "okay-if-you-don't-like-it-you-don't-have-to-keep-it" moments. It was a Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen lunch box. I honestly thought about it for a while, but ultimately decided that I couldn't do it, mostly because the movie has been so horrendously reviewed and even I wasn't that much of a 12-year-old boy - or at least my 12-year-old boy had better taste than that.

So we took it back. I looked around at lunch boxes that night but couldn't find anything that I liked. I will admit a part of me did not want to buy one of the stupid plain lunch bags. I was looking for something a little bit cool, which, not surprisingly, I did not find at Target.

We got home that night and not a half an hour later, Heidi tells me not to buy a lunch box because she found me one and it is shipping soon. Her comment was "if you can't carry this lunch box with pride, I'll have to wonder if you're still you." This intrigued me and although she bombed out with the Transformers, I still trusted her enough to know what she was doing.

It arrived today, from Entertainment Earth (the source of both the Cher Turn Back Time doll and Anna's Coraline lunchbox). And you know what, she was right. Here it is:

If that is not the coolest lunch box ever, I have no idea where you'll find it (oh, except for maybe here, but at $99.99, no freaking way.) I absolutely love those eggs at the bottom, and the back is the image on the thermos. Perfection.

I will use it with pride, knowing that I have the best wife EVER. Yes, people will give me shit, but only because they secretly want to be as cool as me. Or as uncool as me. Or whatever. But as they say about Madonna, often imitated, never duplicated.

Thanks Heidi - you're the best. I would not trade you for anything. Not even that Night of the Living Dead lunchbox.

You provide the monster

My friend Matt gave me what is probably the least expected of Christmas gifts this year. To those who followed Nerdery Week, it's no secret that I have quite the collection of horror action figures. Aliens, zombies, spiders - the monsters are there in great number. Matt found the missing element that complemented the monsters perfectly.

Horrified B-Movie Victims!

The back of the box actually says "We provide the screaming hordes! You provide the monster!"

I got them set up yesterday, and they fit in just as well as I expected they would. Behold.

Perfection.

Nerdery Week: In the Nerdery, no one can hear you scream

I have an incredible fondness for all things Alien, even though it is probably not cool to like Alien any longer. But when have I EVER been about liking things that are cool? Regardless, there is no denying the coolness that is the Xenomorph, if for no other reason than the thought given to the life cycle of the thing. In the Nerdery, there are many things devoted to the Alien. Here are but a handful.

My most prized Alien possession is the original Kenner 18" Alien figure that was available for a very short time in 1979 before pressure from parents led to it being pulled from shelves. This was actually given to me as a Christmas present from my folks that year (were they cool or what?) In mint condition and in the box, these things sell for upwards of a few hundred bucks on eBay. Of course, mine went in the sandbox too much to be worth much of anything money-wise, but as far as sentimental value goes, it's priceless.

As you can tell, it is nowhere close to mint condition, but it's mine! And all the pieces are still there.

More recent acquisitions include this Warrior Alien that I picked up at Toys R Us in Cedar Rapids on a random stop. He doesn't stand up very well (much to my chagrin) but he does come with eggs and facehuggers. I still remember Anna being 3 years old and playing with this, calling the facehuggers "spiders" and the Alien "that scary guy."

And then, one Christmas, Anna gave me the Queen Alien. Her goal that Christmas was to "give Dad something scary." She had help from Heidi, naturally, but the Queen was a perfect addition to the collection. It was more an Alien vs. Predator Queen than the Queen from Aliens, but it got the job done. I have been known to tell people reaching out to touch the Queen "Get away from her, you BITCH!"

The next item was purchased thanks to a bonus check from work. Since I think that money like that is meant to have a least a small percentage of it spent on fun stuff, I decided to splurge and spend the nearly 30 bucks on a plush Chestburster. I love the Chestburster, making quite a splash upon its entry into the world and running completely on instinct, it's easily one of the best stages of the Alien's development. And what better than a plush Chestburster to cuddle up with? Well, suffice to say I have NEVER cuddled up next to the Chestburster. Instead, he is on display in the Nerdery, where Anna famously referred to him as "the baby scary guy."

One final Alien related item, and another that dates back to my childhood. In my room that I shared with my brother growing up, this mounted Alien puzzle hung on the wall. My mom is forever sending stuff from days gone by my way so that I can make up my mind what I want to do with it. However, the Alien puzzle was one that I claimed quite vehemently. It now hangs right next to my desk. You can spot it in one of the first Nerdery posts I did, but here's a closeup for you. It has a companion puzzle in the King Kong one that hangs next to it (also from my childhood bedroom) but that's another post.

I also have a few Alien books as well (mostly the novelizations of the movies and a few of the original stories written based upon the movies) as well as the essential Alien Quadrilogy, which features a highly superior extended cut of the much maligned Alien³. Seriously, if you have a chance, check out that version. Even though David Fincher didn't participate so it's not truly a "director's cut", it's the closest thing we'll ever get to one.

So that's it for today. I promised myself I would be done with this at 12:30AM and it's now 12:31AM, so not too shabby if I do say so myself.

Christmas = cancelled

Or at least that's what the makers of this fine film would have us believe. I had no idea this movie was coming out so soon, which can only speak poorly of the quality of the movie - although the Christmas Day release date is a lucrative one.

Surely they've released it then in order to qualify it for the Oscars, right?

Anyway, it's not going to be fine cinema, but I'll be there.



FINALLY, Aliens on Earth, and not in Antarctica.

If only this were real

My sister Wendy forwarded this to me this morning - via SomethingAwful.com. I always love it when people see something like this and they immediately think of me!

How awesome is that? I would totally be buying that if it were an actual product. Nice touch with the "now with splatter pack!" Other pages probably include the secondary jaws coming out - (probably with saliva dripping all over the page) and Sigourney Weaver famously in her underwear at the end of the film.

It's almost not cool to like Alien anymore, but I am hard-pressed to come up with a movie monster into which more thought was given to its life cycle.

(more adult pop-up books here.)

Kid artwork

We are heavy into the kid artwork phase around our house these days - I am usually presented with a picture at least once a day. I took one to work (which I wish I had scanned prior to doing that) which consists of a traced dog with rainbow colored specks all over it. There is also a green stump in front of the dog. When I asked Anna to tell me what all that was, she said that the rainbow colored specks are "rainbow fleas" and the green stump was broccoli. So we have a flea-infested, broccoli-regarding traced dog. Brilliant!!

However, this is the artwork that came my way last night. It is very much in the vein of the zombie bookmark.




I had a little trouble figuring out just what it was - I knew by the "SKARE" that it was supposed to be something scary, but I was still at a loss as to the specifics. So I asked her. And apparently the guy on the left is a zombie. As to the identity of that strange shape on the right, she said - "oh, that's one of those really black scary guys that you have on your shelf." And by that, she meant this:

I love it! Especially with the little hearts on the side and the "I love you Dad, Anna." on there.

More vinyl, more Babs

So yesterday, in amongst all the chopping up of wood and raking of leaves and other yard work that needed to be done, I found time to hit the Ames Public Library's twice-a-year (biannual? biennial? I can never remember) book sale. The book sale never fails to crack me up when I go there because there are just piles and piles of books that have been cast off by either the library or community members cleaning out their bookshelves, closets and anywhere else books might find themselves. (Those looking in our house might do well to start under the bed - that's where so many of mine seem to end up.) Anyway, the first day is a four hour "pre-sale" on Friday night where you pay 2 bucks and you can get in early and shop to your heart's content. The rest of the weekend is free admission and Sunday is "half-price day." It used to be "5 bucks a box day" but that was changed for some reason. In any event, people go crazy for this thing - people are scooping up books that I just can't imagine anyone would have a need for. One time, I was standing in line behind a guy that had a Washington, D.C. phone book from 1985. Seriously, when are you EVER going to have occasion to use that? And to what end? It amazes me. People walk out with boxes of books.

I never really find much of anything, although it's a good place to go if you're looking for cheap Stephen King paperbacks which I usually am. I picked up a copy of Nightmares & Dreamscapes yesterday - a collection of short stories that I have not read. It will probably take me two years to get to it considering the size of my to-be-read pile and the fact that I am not reading very fast these days, but still. I also picked up a couple of pulpy sci-fi books based on the Alien movies - Aliens: Earth Hive and Aliens: Nightmare Asylum which will probably be bad and will take me all of two minutes to read, but hey, at least I only paid 50 cents for them. Besides, most loyal readers here know that I can't pass up anything remotely Xenomorph.

But perhaps my biggest find was in the vinyl section of the sale. For sale vinyl at libraries usually consists of bad Christmas albums and generic classical albums. Well, did I ever find a treasure in there - so much so that I audibly gasped when I saw it for I could not believe my eyes.


It was a copy of Barbra Streisand's 1971 album Stoney End.

I love this album - it is definitely in my top 5 Streisand albums. It is also another of the quintessentially fall albums in the life of Dan. It has dual memories, as I discovered it in the fall of 1991 via the library, and then rediscovered it the following fall when I bought the CD. The purchase of this CD caused me to put off the purchase of Erotica, even though I had already decided that I wasn't going to run out and buy that album. (what was I thinking??) This album is a much more pop-oriented effort from Babs, leaving behind the lounge numbers and the showtunes, etc. and tackling Laura Nyro, Joni Mitchell and Gordon Lightfoot. OK, so maybe not as much pop as it was folk. Anyway, it marked a big departure for her. And I just love the song "Stoney End" even though I have really no freaking idea what the hell she's singing about.

I blame my parents for my love of this album because it's music very much in the vein of the 5th Dimension (who did a lot of Laura Nyro's songs) and I loved that 8-track when I was a kid. Their Greatest Hits On Earth is the first album that comes to mind when I think of my parents' record collection when I was growing up.

If you look closely at that pictures, you can see someone's name scrawled across the album cover which irked me a bit, but really, I was paying only a dollar for it. One can hardly be picky at that price.

At the rate I'm going, I really need to get a turntable.