Any old music will do

I blew the virtual dust off of Tina Turner's 1984 comeback album Private Dancer this week. Private Dancer was the first of three albums Tina released in the 80s that I really love - the others being Break Every Rule - my sentimental favorite of the three - and Foreign Affair, which is noticeably inferior but still contains some kick-ass songs. What blew me away listening to to the album almost 30 (!) years is how on this album, they really captured lightning in a bottle. Bucking the trend at the time - and now, for that matter - that women over 40 couldn't have a chart hit, Turner knocked everyone's socks off and then some.

Private Dancer came into my life in much the same way it might have come into many people's lives in the mid 80s - via the Columbia House Record Club. Who in their right mind could resist 12 albums for one lousy penny? It was not one of our initial 12 albums. Rather, we were well into the bait-and-switch portion of the agreement, where you pay twice as much for an album than you would at the store. And who could forget all the selections-of-the-month that you would get that you didn't want because you forgot to return the card declining it? I recall a MAD Magazine article that referred to them as slightly more difficult to get out of than an Iranian jail. I think I was still a member of some form of Columbia House or BMG club well into the 90s. The other notable thing about Private Dancer is that it arrived from Columbia House in the same shipment as Madonna's debut album. Yes, Virginia, there was a time I didn't own everything that woman had produced.

Tina's gravelly voice is not for everybody, but it really did it for me. I didn't care much for "What's Love Got To Do With It" and Tina's mountain of hair. But in the summer of 86 I really dove into the pop music pool, and at the end of that summer, Tina put out her first single from the Break Every Rule album, "Typical Male," and I was very fond of that song. So retroactively, I ordered Private Dancer. Turner's voice is so well suited for the material. The amazing thing about the album is that it is a pop album that is also an R&B album AND a rock album. Turner was not about to be confined by genre. The album was a huge smash hit and spun off a shitload of singles and also fueled other Tina songs on other people's albums and soundtracks.

The song I love most on Private Dancer is "I Might Have Been Queen" - one of the few that was not a single. It's a perfect amalgam of pop and rock and I was glad when it was resurrected for the Tina Turner biopic What's Love Got To Do With It.



Like Stevie Nicks' "Stand Back" it has this energy that comes out of nowhere and just propels the song forward.

The last Tina Turner album I bought was the soundtrack to the previously mentioned What's Love Got To Do With It which featured re-recordings of the old Ike & Tina hits as well as a few new songs. After that, I really kind of tuned out. Even her attempt to Believe herself a la Cher really didn't interest me all that much, although I liked the single "When The Heartache Is Over." I admire the fact that Tina is still out there performing, even though she likely doesn't have to. But for me, I'm happy to remember Tina from the 10 year period in which I really enjoyed her music.

The mention of MAD Magazine made me think of this Tina related item from MAD. I believe the title of the article was "Badly Needed Warning Labels For Rock Albums."

Fandom gone wrong

In an attempt to make folding laundry a little bit more palatable, I put on a documentary on Netflix Streaming called I Think We're Alone Now. This documentary had been recommended to me by my friend Rachel. When I realized that it was about a couple of very mentally disturbed people who were obsessed with late 80s teen pop star Tiffany, I immediately thought of the documentary For the Love of Dolly (see my post on that movie here.) At only 64 minutes long, I figured it was at least worth a shot.

The stars of the movie are Jeff Turner and Kelly McCormick. Turner is a 50-something year old man from Santa Cruz, CA with Asperger's syndrome and his obsession with Tiffany resulted in her getting a three-year restraining order on him in 1989. In my mind, that restraining order needs an extension. He gleefully shows off clippings of the incident and talks about how Tiffany is his "life-long friend." He goes to her concerts, writes her letters (many of which he shows have "refused - return to sender" written across them) and remembers the time when he kissed Tiffany. Inside his small apartment are countless bits of Tiffany memorabilia along with large amounts of other junk that looks makes it look like he just barely missed qualifying for Hoarders. Perhaps most bizarre amongst all this is a retro-fitted bicycle helmet he calls a "radionics machine" that he wears to "be in touch with Tiffany." Kelly McCormick of Denver, CO, an intersexed person who identifies as female, serves as an intense counterpoint to Turner's almost child-like glee when discussing their idol. Eventually the two meet in Las Vegas for a Tiffany concert.

As I was watching this film, I must say that I didn't have very many positive emotions. I was uncomfortable and at times, angry, but mostly, I was sad. Although both of these people would have me backing slowly away or trying to find the quickest escape route, I couldn't help but notice the absolute loneliness that both of them must feel. To be so isolated in our modern society must be very difficult to handle - it's no wonder they've channeled a lot of this negative emotion into an obsession with a former teen star. I don't think that either Turner or McCormick would hurt a fly, but I found their obsession a bit disturbing and it made me wonder why no one is helping them when clearly, they need some sort of help.

That said, I don't agree with many reviews of the film that take the filmmakers to task for exploiting Turner and McCormick. I think that they deliberately tried to portray them in the best possible light. I was sympathetic to their situation, although I didn't condone their behavior that came out of it. If anyone came out looking bad in this movie, it's Tiffany herself who, despite the late 80s restraining order on Turner, continues to feed his obsession by meeting for a few minutes after shows and at various conventions - the most surprising of which was Glamourcon which featured adult film stars and Playboy playmates (Tiffany is there because she posed for Playboy) It also featured the hilariously blurred out faces of other convention attendees. Has Tiffany come to terms with her stalker and decided that further attempts to restrain him would only serve to invigorate his attempts or does this kind of thing feed her ego? It's hard to tell.

Fan is short for fanatic, so I guess that it might be hard for some to know when they've crossed the line between fandom and psychotic obsessions. For me, I was never much of a Tiffany fan - I did like "I Think We're Alone Now" and "Could've Been" but I always liked Debbie Gibson. And now, they're together in Mega Python vs. Gatoroid which is, sadly, not streaming on Netflix.

I Think We're Alone Now is worth the 64 minutes it took to watch it. It's like that train wreck that you can't look away from.

More than you know

I figure that today's a day that a large percentage of the blogosphere will be blogging about Lady Gaga's new video, which I find to be a classic spectacle video in the grand Madonna tradition. But I decided that rather than blog about Gaga, I'd blog about Martika instead.

I don't know what reminded me of Martika today. Actually, scratch that - yes I do. Last night at the Oscars fete we hosted, we were listening to my Genius playlist based on Regina's "Baby Love" and Martika's "More Than You Know" was on that playlist. Martika's one of those late 80s artists that many mistake for a one-hit wonder. Her song "Toy Soldiers" was inescapable in the summer of 1989. In all honesty, I was never terribly fond of that song and it's "step by step, heart to heart" refrain.

I actually owned Martika's debut album for a while before it was sold off in one of many many attempts to streamline my CD collection. True to form, a few months after I sold it, I found myself wishing I hadn't because when it comes to late 80s pop songs, you don't get much better than "More Than You Know." It was the first of Martika's songs that I ever heard even though it took until the third single release (a cover of Carole King's "I Feel The Earth Move") to convince me to buy the album, one listen to it and you'll recognize exactly why it connected to me. It practically screams Dan.



I remember searching like CRAZY for "More Than You Know" back in the Napster days, but it proved so elusive that I almost gave up. I eventually did find it as well as "Toy Soldiers" and "I Feel The Earth Move." I even came across a "remix" (more like an extended version) of "More Than You Know." Really, it was all the Martika I figured I needed.

So why have I spent tonight blowing the last of my eMusic credit finishing out the album? Well, it is pretty solid late 80s pop. Only a couple songs are cringe-worthy - I'm still holding out on "It's Not What Your Doing" and "See If I Care" but yeah, the rest of the album is in my iTunes now. The production, while dated, still somehow manages to sound good and even though Martika's voice is wafer-thin, it's certainly better than Paula Abdul who was churning out #1 hit after #1 hit at that time.

Martika has kind of fallen off the face of the Earth - as a lot of those artists did - but she did make a follow up album that contains the Prince-penned song "Love...Thy Will Be Done" which I know almost completely due to Casey Stratton's cover of it. This video is only a partial, but he nails it.



Saying so makes me sound old, but sometimes I really miss music like this. It was music that made you feel good. When it comes to music, I'm kind of of the opinion if it doesn't feel good, don't do it. Now how many things in life do we really get to say that about?

SAW (non-Kylie)

I was on my way home this morning after dropping Anna off at school and a song came on my iPod that got me to thinking about Stock, Aitken & Waterman. Most of those who read will immediately recognize SAW as the UK songwriting and production team that was responsible, most notably, for Kylie's first four albums. When I was in high school, it was amazing how much SAW I gravitated towards, most of the time not even realizing it. The song that I heard on the way back this morning was a SAW song and it got me to thinking about my favorite non-Kylie SAW songs. There are so many to choose from, but I narrowed the field pretty successfully. There are four and if I really wanted to subject Matt and Bess to unfiltered Dan music, I would submit all four for the next DMB CD. (speaking of, when are we doing that?)

Donna Summer / This Time I Know It's For Real
This is the song that prompted this post, so I guess you can thank 1989 Donna Summer for it. I was always impressed that Donna Summer got radio airplay in 1989 as it was well past her disco heyday. She was a natural fit for SAW and her bigger than life voice complemented the rather simple melodies and songs surprisingly well. Say what you will about SAW, but can they write a chorus or what?



Boy Krazy / That's What Love Can Do
Released in 1993, I always thought that this sounded like Kylie. You see, I was completely oblivious to Kylie's continued success overseas so I figured she had completely disappeared. I don't think I actually figured out it wasn't until many years later, although I think I knew in my heart of hearts that it wasn't - not squeaky enough! (said with love and affection.) I always loved this song but don't think I got my hands on it till the Napster free-for-all.



Laura Branigan / Shattered Glass
I think this was probably the first SAW song I ever heard. I bought Laura Branigan's Touch album on the strength of "Shattered Glass." Too bad it ended up being one of only two SAW tracks - the other being "Whatever I Do." I always felt kind of bad for Laura Branigan. The record company really never knew what to do with her. Was she a power ballad belter? Was she a dancefloor, high NRG diva? Regardless, "Shattered Glass" is a highlight even though it stalled out just outside the top 40.



Bananarama / I Can't Help It
Fresh off the success of "Venus," Bananarama turned their follow-up album WOW! over to SAW. The best track off that album is still the first song and kick-off single "I Can't Help It." Containing my classic misheard lyric "I got debated by your heartache" (it's really "I'm captivated by you honey"), the cheesiness is sealed by the line "Boys say, they say I'm good enough to eat (manger)" How can you resist French in a song? Watching this video now, I'm amazed at how much they were clearly playing to their main demographic even in 1989.



Did I miss anything? I'm sure ChartRigger might have a thing or two to say.

Still trying to save the princess

After months of eyeballing it, today I finally purchased Dragon's Lair for the iPod Touch. For those that don't know, Dragon's Lair is a Don Bluth animated video game from 1983 in which you control the movements of Dirk the Daring through an enchanted castle in an attempt to rescue a princess from the clutches of an evil dragon. When I was a kid, this was the creme de la creme of arcade games. Instead of herky-jerky graphics, it was pretty much a full fledged cartoon that responded to your controls. What could be better?

In all honesty, a lot. I think most of the times I played Dragon's Lair as a kid, the game lasted an average of 1.3 minutes. This was especially distressing because instead of costing a single quarter, it was 50 cents per play which ate up your Adventureland pocket money twice as fast. I could never figure it out. The technology drew you in, but control of the character was so different from every other arcade game we blew our money on that it never gave me a good game playing experience. Mostly, I walked away from it with a bad taste in my mouth and feeling cheated out of my money.

After my early 80s experiences, I never really thought much about Dragon's Lair until I bought a PC version of the game in the mid-90s. It was only then that I really figured out how to control the knight and even then, it was after massive amounts of fail. I managed to maneuver Dirk past all the main obstacles and make it all the way to the dragon's lair, but try as I might, I could never defeat the dragon, and since 90s technology is pretty much incompatible with late 2000s technology, I figured I had missed my chance at ever beating the game. But as is so often the case these days, Apple saved the day.

I spent quite a while this afternoon playing Dragon's Lair on the iPad. Even though it's an iPod app, it looks pretty good on the iPad. I actually can't imagine playing it on something as small as an iPhone, but hey, any port in a storm. Gameplay is just like I remember it except instead of a joystick, there's arrows and a sword button on the screen. In a turn of events that would have made my quarters last a hell of a lot longer as a kid, the controls light up in the direction you're supposed to move Dirk just before you need to do so. This kind of ticked me off at first because after all I'm way too cool to need help! But after a few rounds of getting my ass kicked even WITH the controls that light up, I rethought my position.

Could it get repetitive? Oh sure. Is it frustrating as all get out in some places? Definitely. But it still takes me back to days when my biggest problem was running through my allowance in 15 minutes in the back of Hy-Vee plugging quarters into video games. And the best thing of all? The app is only 99 cents. That's right - for less than the price of a cup of coffee, you too could be playing Dragon's Lair.

Oh, yeah, except you have to have that pesky Apple technology which costs decidedly MORE than the price of the most expensive cup of coffee.

Carrying a laser

I have been REALLY into the song "Kyrie" by Mr. Mister these last few days. It all started when I had to completely reinstall everything on my computer and lost all my Genius playlists in iTunes. To get started again, I randomly created a Genius playlist based on the Go-Go's song "Lust To Love." iTunes populated the list with the expected (Belinda Carlisle's "Mad About You" and Madonna's "Physical Attraction") and the not-so-expected (10,000 Maniacs' "Cherry Tree"? WTF?) But "Kyrie" ended up on that list as well.



Anna and I were listening to it in the car on the way back from her piano lesson last night and she said to me, "Dad, I can't sing along with this song because I can't understand what he's saying!" Well, when I was a kid, I really didn't either - although I did know what a kyrie was thanks to my Lutheran upbringing. But her comment made me think of a friend of mine had misheard the lyric in the chorus - Kyrie Eleison down the road that I must travel - as "carrying a laser down the road that I must travel." Thanks to her, whenever I listen to this song, that's what I hear.

And talk about a band that was white-hot and then completely disappeared. The follow-up album to Welcome To The Real World was a commercial disappointment and the band broke up shortly thereafter. I wonder if it was any good - surely three Mr. Mister songs in an iTunes library is enough?

There's a spy

From one of my favorite out of print albums, Animal Logic. "There's A Spy (In The House Of Love)"



I have blogged about Animal Logic (both the group and the album) before, which makes this quite possibly the only blog in the entire blogosphere with two posts devoted to the now-disbanded group. They were supergroup-ish, as they had the drummer from the Police and Stanley Clarke who is farily well known. Vocalist Deborah Holland was new to the scene, but hell, she could sing. Anyway, they are a "supergroup" much more in the vein of what I am likely to listen to compared to most supergroups even though the use of that moniker is, admittedly, a stretch.

"There's A Spy (In The House Of Love)" was their only hit - I remember it being on the radio quite a lot in the spring of 1990 although I had never seen the video until now. My favorite story about that album is how my friend Kelly gave me a "for promotional use only - not for sale" copy of the cassette because she thought I might like it. She was right, even though it took me several years to realize just how much I liked it. I played the hell out of this in the spring of 1995. If you saw me walking campus during that time period, chances were high that I had this cassette in my Walkman.

Sadly, you can't get it digitally anywhere, but you can get their not-as-good second album from iTunes now. They are very October Project-ish in that they have such a finite number of songs that you just appreciate what you have.

Hot and cold emotions confusing my brain

When I woke up this morning, I had ideas of what I might get accomplished. I thought I might write a blog post that's been ramming around in me for a couple days. I thought I might watch a little bit more of some movies I'm trying to finish rewatching for an upcoming podcast appearance (more on that later this week.)

What I did not think I would be doing is downloading more Samantha Fox songs from eMusic than is really appropriate for anyone for anyone. Who knew she her stuff was even available on eMusic?

Nothing says "Dan's freshman year of high school" more than Samantha Fox's "Touch Me (I Want Your Body)" Actually, that's not quite accurate - True Blue probably says it more - but it was a banner year for music and me. I have so many vivid memories attached to songs from the 1986-1987 school year than you can shake a stick at. It was the first year that I watched the Billboard Top Ten (via the weekly report in the Des Moines Register) with great interest. I also watched MTV pretty much constantly as I started listening to more than just Olivia Newton-John.

But back to Samantha Fox. What sold me on "Touch Me (I Want Your Body)" was probably its Madonna-esque sound and well, the video (appealing to teen boys crazy on testosterone everywhere.)



I actually still have the 45rpm single of "Touch Me (I Want Your Body)" and also the one for "Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)" but I wisely never bought an entire album of hers. Who really needs 10 Samantha Fox songs? Well, apparently the folks at eMusic because they have a 3-disc, 39 track collection of what appears to be a mish-mash of her studio albums under the name Touch Me. Believe me, if no one needed 10 Samantha Fox songs, absolutely no one needs 39. (look, it's on iTunes as well!)

That has not stopped me from downloading quite a few of those 39 songs though. I finally found the B-side to the "Touch Me (I Want Your Body)" 45 ("Drop Me A Line") and also grabbed some of her minor hits. The thing that kills me about Samantha Fox's songs is how many of them have a parenthetical portion - there's the aforementioned "Touch Me (I Want Your Body)" and "Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)". Then there's "I Surrender (To The Spirit of the Night)" and "(Do Ya Do Ya) Wanna Please Me?", as well as her cover of the Rolling Stones' "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction".

Oddly missing from all this Sam Fox goodness is yet ANOTHER song with a parenthetical portion called "Hurt Me! Hurt Me! (But The Pants Stay On)" which I remember putting on a compilation CD one year collecting "songs least likely to be covered by a church choir." Instead, there is a 2009 remix of "Touch Me (I Want Your Body)" which appears to be rerecorded and if you thought her vocals were manipulated in 1987, it's nothing compared to what 2009 technology can do.

So yeah, more Samantha Fox than I expected this morning. But I say that like it's a bad thing.

A touch more time

I was out getting gas for the car a bit ago and I for whatever reason, I thought of the old Sheena Easton song "So Far, So Good." My desire to listen to the song was so intense that I had to find it on my iPod and put it on. It is one of my favorite Sheena Easton songs, and one of her last hits (and had The Lover In Me not come around, it might have been her last.)

This is one of those 80s songs I have dual memories of - the first from when it was popular, and the second from the early 90s right after I got a Sheena Easton best-of that had the song on CD for the first time ever, consequently causing me to play the hell out of it. It's one of those songs that simultaneously screams fall 1993 as well as 1986. I have always loved the bridge, which contains a classic misheard lyric on my part:

I'm not pulling any punches
I'm not handing you a line
I'm just telling you my hunch is
All we need is a touch more time.

I always heard "touch more time" as "church on time." In the long tradition of misheard lyrics, the misheard lyric makes no sense, but you go with it.

I got to wondering if there was a video for it, and sure enough there is.



Things I love about this video:
1) Sheena is a boss from hell that sings at her desk! (there should have been more of it!!)
2) The plastic fried egg next to her phone.
3) The fake bucket of paint spilling in the background at roughly 1:30.
4) That guy's big red glasses
5) Sheena's earrings - they are going to blacken someone's eye.
6) Sheena getting all serious about directing whatever she's directing at 3:17.

There are so many camp moments in this video, I lost count. Classic.

I don't care, I don't care

One of my all time favorite Belinda Carlisle songs found its way back on to my radar this morning.

And that song would be "Fool For Love" which is an album track from 1987's Heaven On Earth (still my favorite of Belinda's solo albums - not one bad track on there! Plus she was never hotter than on that album cover.)

The reason I love it so much is two-fold. One, I believe that it is biochemically impossible to feel bad when you're listening to this song. Acting as an aural SSRI, it can take one's brain from sadness to unbridled joy in 3:56. Yes, it is cheesy and the production is totally 80s, but that is the large majority of its charm.

The other reason? It is inextricably linked to my friend Jeff and his former girlfriend Holly. Every time I listen to the chorus, which consists of the extremely imaginative lyrics "If I'm a fool for love/If I'm a fool for love/If I'm a fool for love/I don't care/I don't care" all I can think of is Holly mocking the song with a nasal "I don't caaaare. I don't caaaaare."

Her mocking did not deter Jeff and me. We still loved it. And to this day, I can still hear her singing that.

So if you're feeling a bit down this morning (or any morning), I submit that Belinda's "Fool For Love" is just the prescription.


(this live version does not do the studio version justice! Get it here! You won't be sorry.)

Attention to detail

I'm reading the book Band Fags! right now on Heidi's incredibly solid recommendation (although I had heard of it prior to her reading it - hell, I bought it for her!) The thing that is just killing me about this book is the incredible attention to 80s detail that the author pays. Everything from differentiating Sue from Clyde to watermelon Bubbilicious is inserted with TLC into each scene.

But the laugh-out-loud scene from tonight? The main character (who is ostensibly straight but I have my doubts) being a member of the Kristian Alfonso fan club. I mean, Hope from Days of Our Lives? One of the perks of being a member of the Kristian Alfonso fan club is a T-shirt with the image of Ms. Alfonso on the front. I am seriously having trouble getting my head around an 8th grade guy wearing that shirt. But it's all good.

I'm only 50+ pages in. It's a keeper.