Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Ok, can I just say that I'm officially sick and tired of people acting like I'm either dying of a terminal illness or being the ultimate traitor to society because I chose to change jobs? It's really getting old to go down the hallways at work and have random employees say "There's the traitor!" or "I'm gonna cry every time I see you now!" What am I supposed to do with that? Are these people really that selfish?

And I've had it up to here with my online men's group to which is supposed to be about supporting each other as men but apparently has turned into a place to debate the minutiae of religion and politics. Jesus Christ--I can get that anywhere else. A part of me wants to tell those people to go debate religion on a religion group, but fat lot of good that would do anyway. It just goes to show me that you really can't find good male camaraderie--even on the internet where it's supposed to be easier to get to know people. I basically have no good male camaraderie anymore as all the guys I would normally talk to at work are just not really talking to me because I'm leaving and the non-work friends I have are so damn busy with their own lives. I can't remember the last time I heard from friends on e-mail or over the phone. And it certainly hasn't been for lack of trying. Oh well, maybe this is just something I have to go through on my own and not depend on other people. It wouldn't hurt to have a little support right now and I can't count on Heidi for all of it. I'm hoping that when I get to Ames I can find some male-bonding type stuff, but I'm not gonna hold my breath. I've pretty much given up hope that I'll ever be able to do that.

I guess I'm just feeling pretty lonely tonight and I suppose it's good we're going to the Taste of China to see some local Dean people. But so much of my life here is like a chapter in a book that's almost over, so it's not worth getting attached to people here just to leave them.

Dang, am I taking my meds or not?

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